i bought a dress. so what?

I went shopping with my lovely mother-in-law last week and I think she’s a bad influence… would I have bought the 3 little girl outfits had she not been with me?  Probably not, but they were such a good deal and she made it seem like the right thing to do…

So I did it.  I bought the first little girl outfits.  Two dresses and a three-pack of newborn onesies.  I couldn’t resist the clearance prices at OshKosh.  I’m almost wishing I had picked up some of the itty bitty pink overalls.  I held back a little bit.

I was telling my friend about it later that night and she asks me “are you secretly hoping for a girl?” 

I had to think for a moment before I answered the question. 

Baby girl clothes sure are cute and lots of fun to shop for and buy and hold and look at.  I’m guessing they are even more fun to put on your cute baby girl, but in the long run, my answer is no, not necessarily. 

I’m certainly not opposed to the idea of having a girl.  Before we had Theo, I couldn’t picture not ever having one.  I even said that if we had two boys, we’d end up having three children.  I don’t think I could manage more than three, but I thought I’d want to give it one more shot.  Now?  Now I don’t know.  I’m certainly not ruling out a third child before my second is even born, but I can see being content with two – a boy and a girl or two boys.  Either way, it feels right. 

Kind of makes me wonder if my mom and dad were at all disappointed when I (the second of two children) was born and they learned that I was a girl.  Hmm…

Meanwhile, we enjoyed a weekend of warm, gorgeous weather for which we were all very thankful!

I love that he was smiling with his mouth wide open for so long that he drooled all over himself.  Ha!


paranoid party planning committee

I have to admit, I’m experiencing some anxiety over Theo’s first birthday party.  It’s coming up in 2 short weeks (and 2 days) and I’m getting nervous.  Feeling a little pressure.  There will be a lot of people and a short amount of time.  There will be babies his age and kids that are older.  Am I supposed to have activities to keep everyone entertained?  Because I’m thinking we’ll be lucky to make it through pizza, presents, and cake in 2 hours. 

Not to mention I am paranoid that Theo is going to have a crazy morning that day, thereby ruining all my visions of his perfect little celebration.  We picked the 12-2 time frame because that’s generally between his naps, but what if he’s off that day?  What if he refuses to nap and is ready to crash just in time for the party?  It could be disasterous.  What am I supposed to do with him while we are decorating for the party, which is not going to be at our house?  How am I going to manage to get the balloons, cake, and decorations in place while he is supposed to be napping?  How am I going to manage taking a million adorable pictures amidst all the chaos while still being present enough in the moment to enjoy it through him?  And what about the cake mess?  Since we’re not having the party at home, how am I going to get cake out of his hair before we put him back in his carseat?   

And the best (ha) part of all is that he won’t even know what hit him.  Of course, he is the one I’m most worried about pleasing and, party or no party, it’s just another day to him. 

I wanted it to be small but just with our immediate families, there are 15 people.  And then there are his little baby best friends that I wouldn’t dream of not inviting.  Parents included, that gets us up to about 30.  Then there are our friends who have the older-ish kids, the babysitter, and my grandparents and we’re at 40.  Egads.  I didn’t even invite our friends who don’t have kids and I’m feeling guilty about that but you have to draw the line somewhere, right?  With all that being said, I really want all those people there because they have been such a big part of Theo’s first year.

Maybe in the future we will do a family birthday dinner with cake and ice cream and then a baby friend birthday playdate.  That way everyone gets to enjoy Theo and vice versa.  And I get to enjoy everyone and …well I guess the vice versa part is subjective.  So that new idea I just came up with here and now has me feeling better about his birthday next year, but back to the panic attack…


Did I mention I’m somewhat stressed and depressed about the fact that my eensy weensy baby is almost ONE? (Yes, yes I did.)

Any suggestions?

freakin’ out,

dear baby

Dear Baby in my Belly,

I can’t believe that we have already known about you for 5 months and that you will be here, on the outside of my belly, in about 3 months.  Time is going by too fast and we haven’t even seen your face yet.  I know that you, just like your big brother, will change and grow at an amazing rate of speed and we’ll be looking back a year from now wondering where our tiny newborn has gone.  My pregnancy with you has been so different than my pregnancy with Theo.  With him, we knew he was a boy and by this point we had picked out his name.  We called him by name as if he was already with us.  We said “he” when referring to him.  It’s weird, always referring to you as “he or she” or “it”…you’re certainly not an “it.”  Sometimes we slip and call you just “he” or “she” because it’s easier, but that doesn’t feel right, because what if we’re saying the wrong thing?  So then, it’s back to calling you “he or she.”  Long way of saying that sometimes it would have been easier to just know.

But I’m glad we didn’t find out.  You’re our little mystery.  Regardless of your gender, we already know that you’ll be so very different from Theo.  Your own little person, indeed.  It will be so exciting on your birthday because the anticipation is already building.  I know that by the time another 13 weeks or so has passed, we’ll be overflowing with excitement to meet you and hear the doctor proclaim “it’s a boy!” or “it’s a girl!” (in no particular order of preference…ahem).

You are a wiggly little person and I hope you sleep more outside of my belly than you do now.  Maybe you roll over a lot in your sleep?  I’m starting to feel big, hard parts of your body…what I’m guessing to be your back and your head…rather than just the little kicks and pokes that I’d been feeling until recently.  By now you should weigh about a pound and a half and be a little over a foot long.  That doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re curled up inside of someone’s belly, it’s kind of a lot!  Don’t get the wrong idea – I need you to stay put until you’re a good 6 or 7 pounds.  You just stay snuggled up in there until you are nice and healthy and fat. 

I’m trying to take good care of you and I always hope I’m doing okay.  I’ll always hope I’m doing okay as your mom.  It’s just me and you right now, kid, but there are dozens of people who can’t wait to meet you, love you, and smother you with hugs and kisses.  Enjoy the alone time while it lasts, because things are gonna be changing soon. 

I already love you more than you’ll ever know. 

Love always,