thoughts about baby

Last week was a slow bloggity blog week, I know.  I am not making grand promises about my blog this week.  I’m whiny and tired and I feel like no one wants to hear/see/read that.

I’m getting excited.  I’m getting scared.  I’ve been having weird pains.  I’m feeling bittersweet about this whole pregnancy thing.  I know it’s going to be ending very soon, which will open up my world in a whole new way.  A raw, sleep-deprived (more than now? really?) way.  I remember right after I had Theo thinking that it wasn’t so bad (at times) because I was SO exhausted that I could fall asleep instantly.  And I slept like a rock until he woke me up to eat again.  Granted, that might have only been for 90 minutes at a time, but there were some perks.  For example, I could sleep on my stomach again.  Heartburn didn’t keep me awake. 

I will go from one baby to two.  The beauty of one baby is that when he sleeps, the mama can sleep (in theory).  Since Theo gets up around 7, I’m not sure how that’s going to work out.  I originally intended to keep him home with me every day while I was on maternity leave.  I remember being really sad going back to work after he was born because I realized that I would never get the chance to spend that much time with him again, barring a horrible illness or some other reason I would have 12 weeks off work while he was a child.  Obviously I realized that any subsequent maternity leave would be a chance to spend 12 more weeks with him…but then there’s that pesky sleep thing.  So I have agreed, at my husband’s constant and persistent urging, to allow him to continue going to the babysitter 3 days a week.  To maintain his routine…to allow me to bond with the baby…to allow me to sleep when the baby sleeps…etc, etc, etc. 

I have mixed feelings about it.  He says I’m just trying to be supermom.  I’m not.  If I was a stay-at-home mom, I wouldn’t have a choice.  I wouldn’t be sending one baby away so I only had to deal with one at a time.  I feel guilty.  I feel like if I am home, my kids should be at home with me.  All of them.  Not at a paid babysitter.  Then my hubs reminds me that Theo LOVES his babysitter.  And he loves his baby BFF at the babysitter, G, who is 3 weeks younger than him.  He reminds me that the babysitter does activities and takes them outside and gets a good night’s rest and has lots of energy every day.  Oh.  Yeah.  That is true. 

But for whatever reason, I still feel like it’s a copout and I should be able to manage my two babies.  The babysitter is going to be managing 2 toddlers and 2 infants all by herself this fall.  That’s kinda insane!  Again, she gets a good night’s sleep, but still…I wouldn’t be able to/couldn’t do that. 

I am in a constant cycle of justifying keeping Theo home versus sending him to the babysitter.  I think the solution is that we will continue to pay the babysitter the same amount and if I want to send him, I’ll send him.  If I want him home, I’ll keep him home.  If I want to go pick him up early, I can do that too.  She’s super flexible, thank goodness, so hopefully we’ll just be able to play it by ear. 

Another thing about feeling torn over the whole pregnancy-ending-soon thing is that it’s kind of sad, having my babies so close together.  I don’t feel like I got to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I might have if they had been spaced out a little more.  What if we don’t have another baby and this is the last time I’m pregnant?  I’ll never feel those baby kicks and see my big baby belly again.  That’s kind of sad, once it’s over.  With that being said, I can totally understand why they (doctors?) don’t want you making any final decisions about tubal ligation while you’re in the middle of a pregnancy.  Right now, my answer would be “no way in hell.” 

I remember when Theo was about 2 months old thinking I could do it all over again.

be careful what you wish for,

20 things about us

I snagged the idea for this blog post from Babbling Abby

20 Things About Us
1.  We are hopelessly sentimental about Disney World.  Can you blame us?  Don’t you know how we met?  We fantasize about going back and are completely engulfed in the “magic” and nostalgia while we’re there. 
2.  The more time we spend together, the better we are.  The more in love we are.  Time apart is the enemy in our relationship. 
3.  Case in point:  We fought 10x more in the 4 years we were in a long distance relationship than we have in the nearly 8 years we’ve been married.  (Did you know we were long distance for almost four years?  Or that we’ve already been married for almost EIGHT!?  how did that happen…)
4.  We both have the same vision of what we want for ourselves, our kids, our future.  Does that happen very often?  Because I feel pretty lucky.
5.  He always thanks me for making dinner.  I try to always thank him for cutting the grass or taking out the trash – he’s better at it than I am.  It’s so nice to feel appreciated.
6.  We rarely fight.  But when we fight, we fight (yelling, people…just verbal stuff, mmkay?).  It’s usually my fault because I’m overreacting about something or because I’m hormonal (that’s happened a lot more over the last couple of years.  I look forward to returning to normal, if she’s still in here somewhere).  Sometimes it’s his fault because he’s stressed and stress makes him grumpy and jumpy.
7.  I’m not afraid to put him in his place and he’s not afraid to put me in mine.  I really think that we share the “pants” in the family and I like it that way.
8.  It’s way too easy for one of us to talk the other one into going out to eat.
9.  He pretty much gave up beef several years ago when I did and never complained.  He gets it from time to time at restaurants but we never have it at home.  Seems like that would be a bigger deal to most dudes.
10.  I still look forward to seeing him at the end of the day as much as I ever did.
11.  I think he’s the only person I would never get tired of being around.
12.  He gives the best hugs.  He always, always, always hugs me before I leave for work.  And tells me to be careful.  I think that’s sweet.
13.  We do not have the same taste in music.  Not. At. All.
14.  He likes my movies but I don’t like his.  Hardly ever.
15.  He thinks I’m a good singer and a wonderful cook.  I think he’s the smartest computer guy and an all-around genius.
16.  I wish he was more patient and he wishes I was less anxious.
17.  We want to go to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary but we need to start saving, like tuh-day, and that’s probably not going to happen.  Maybe for our 20th.  Or 50th.
18.  He is 1 year, 9 months, and 17 days older than me.  When we met, I was 19 and he was 21.  Mere babies.
19.  We share a love of amusement parks and roller coasters and vacations and lazy days and new experiences.  And Theo.  We collectively could not love that little boy any more.
20.  My favorite thing is how we’re always a team.  Good or bad…as parents, as individuals, and as a couple – we are a team.  We do things together and for each other.  On the average day, there aren’t a lot of grand romantic gestures, but there are always little moments that make life more special.
What’s are the things you like best about you and your love??

33 week check-up check-in (aka most boring update ever)

I was supposed to go to the doctor Wednesday but as I was pulling out of the driveway, I got a call saying there was an emergency and they needed to reschedule me. I could see my doctor on Friday or the NP on Thursday. Since I wouldn’t have a babysitter Friday and da da wouldn’t be able to go either way, I opted for the Thursday appointment.
I told the nurse that I’ve had a cold for 4 weeks. The NP came in, looked at my sugars (they’re still good), measured my abdomen (she said I was measuring around 32 wks), and listened to the heartbeat (133).  My weight gain remained the same (20 lbs so far) and my blood pressure was good (100/72). Then she bolted. No “do you have any questions?” No “how ’bout that month old cold?” Nothin.
Whatever, I’m glad it was uneventful…that’s how most pregnancy check-ups should be. What really irritated me happened when I went to schedule my 35 wk appointment.
She said “you can come Monday at 210 or Wednesday at 245.” 
Me:  “that’s it?  Those are my only two options for the entire week?”
Her: “Yep.”
Me: “well that doesn’t really work for me. I work third shift and I need early or late appointments.”
Her: “that’s what’s available. Which one would you prefer?”
Me: “neither, they’re both horrible, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
Her: “great, I’ll put you down for Monday the 18th at 210.”
Me: “no.  I’ll take the 245.” (I know, smarmy, but it’s 30 more minutes of precious sleep).
Her: “okaaaay.”
So I’m annoyed. And I plan on calling that week and saying I can’t make it to see when they’ll offer to reschedule me.  It’s just irritating to me that I pay them bazillions of dollars for service and they never try to accommodate me, yet I always have to bend over backwards for them.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my OB but I think customer service in the health field, generally speaking, SUCKS.
Just sayin,