37 week check-up check-in: my last prenatal appointment

Ever? It’s kind of weird being at the end of this pregnancy, knowing that I’m full term now, that the baby could come at any time and be perfectly fine, and that I may never be in this spot again.  We haven’t decided for sure if we’ll be done at two or if one more child will complete our family. Right now (at full term) I’m pretty much feeling I could be completely content with two children.
Who knows how I’ll feel when this sweet, tiny baby turns into a little toddler that no longer wants to be held. One thing I know is that you can’t just keep having babies in hopes that one will stay a baby forever.
Regardless, I’ve been feeling okay…kinda. I guess as well as you could expect to feel at this point. I finally got desperate and filled my prescription for 5 of the Ambien CRs to see if they would help me sleep. I don’t know if they are worth $5 apiece, but I have probably slept a little better overall since I started taking them.  
My blood sugars are still good – I only had one high one in the last week. They have been better this time around than they were with Theo. My weight gain I kind of missed because it was a different scale this week and it was the kind with the slide-y thing. I’m pretty sure it was the same as last week or maybe +1 lb.  Blood pressure was 100/60. Heartbeat was in the 130s and my stomach was measuring between 36 and 37 weeks. No change with my cervix, so it doesn’t look like I’ll be going into labor on my own or anything before next Thursday. One never knows though! 
The only thing that was new/interesting/different from last time was that I had an ultrasound and the baby’s estimated weight was 6lbs 8oz. If that is accurate, then this baby should be about the same size Theo was at birth by next Thursday (7lb 1oz). Luckily (or hopefully I guess I should say), the estimates have been a little high lately according to Dr. D. We want a smaller (or at least narrower) baby this time.  The ultrasound tech didn’t give away any clues as to the gender, so that was a relief. If I was her though, I would totally look so I could have a “I know something you don’t know” party in my head. I bet she looked.
Since I’m not scheduled to arrive at the hospital until 10am Thursday, I’m starting to think the baby might not arrive until Friday the 13th!  By the time I get admitted and IV’d and all that, I’m sure they won’t start my Pitocin until 11 at the earliest.  Of course I’d gladly accept a less-than-twelve-hour labor, but I’m not counting on it with an induction. Everything right now is based on speculation and all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for a smooth delivery that results in a healthy baby.
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my 31st birthday tomorrow, my 2nd Mother’s Day on Sunday, my last 3 days of work until August (it might be a bit of a stretch to say ‘enjoy’ at this uncomfortable stage), and my last few days of having a busy little low-maintenance baby in my belly.
Have a great weekend!
~C~

or maybe?

Start with the post before this one. 

Or maybe, just maybe, having our babies this close together will be the best thing we’ve ever done.  Maybe one day we’ll look back and say that we couldn’t have imagined it any other way.  Maybe one or both of us would have lost our fertility otherwise or maybe, just maybe, we would have never “decided” that the time was right to have another baby.  Maybe the babies will be the best of buddies and provide each other with years and years of companionship.  Maybe Theo will take to the baby right away and somehow understand that he or she requires a gentler touch.  Maybe it will be no time at all before having a baby brother or sister is all Theo can remember.  Maybe one day he will appreciate that we gave him a sibling close enough in age to be his very best friend. 

Maybe this (vaginal) birth will go smoother than the last one.  Maybe the shoulder dystocia last time had nothing to do with my gestational diabetes and this baby will decide to come out less…traumatically (for both of us).  Maybe this baby will latch right on and I won’t have to go through the torture of teaching a newborn (and myself) how to breastfeed.  Maybe this baby will have a calm, happy personality and will sleep through the night at a young age like Theo did.  Maybe we will get lucky (again).  Or maybe we already have.

Maybe this baby will make our family complete.  (Maybe not).  Maybe sharing the responsibility and honor of parenting two children will bring us closer.  Maybe things will all work out (because really, what’s the alternative?).  Maybe we’ll find that living in that tiny house for just a bit longer opened doors that we would’ve otherwise missed.  Maybe, amidst all the chaos, we will take family vacations and lots of pictures and relish the fleeting moments that we have to spend with our kids.

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll realize what a gift it is to be parents.  (Maybe we already do).  Maybe we’ll make the most of each experience, agonizing and rewarding alike.  Maybe we’ll look at this baby, just like we look at Theo, and think proudly to ourselves we did that…we made that…we’re like…magical sorcerers who can make the bestest, cutest, coolest kids ever

Just maybe,
~C~

what if?

What if the baby has colic and cries ALL the time?

What if everyone’s disappointed with his or her gender?

What if the baby doesn’t sleep through the night at 8 weeks like Theo did?  What if it’s 8 months or 3 years?

What if Theo wakes up every time the baby wakes up and can’t go back to sleep?

What if I (physically? emotionally?) can’t handle two babies?  Not just two kids, two babies.

What if he or she gets stuck coming out?  And breaks a shoulder or has brain damage or worse?

What if I have to have a c-section this time?

What if my recovery is a lot worse than last time?

What if this baby changes Theo somehow?  What if he doesn’t like the baby and is always mean to it? 

What if he thinks I love him less because I’m always with a new baby? 

What if I have to tell him “no” when he wants me to play with him or read him a book? What if he hates me?

What if I’m sad and crazy after the baby is born because my hormones are out of control and I’m feeling overwhelmed and alone?

What if we never get the time (and nerve) to list our house so we never sell it and are squished like sardines forever?

What if I never fix my hair or put on make up or brush my teeth or leave the house again?

What if my friends forget about me and I become completely irrelevant?

What if the baby won’t latch on and I have to go through the same nightmare to establish breastfeeding this one that I did with Theo? 

What if my husband and I never take or make time for each other anymore and turn into just friends?  Or worse, co-parents?

What if I’m never, ever well-rested again?

What if I don’t get rid of all these pre-baby jitters before next Thursday?

to be continued,
~C~