because that means.

I feel like I spend too much time on this blog expressing negativity about how hard it is, being a parent.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m a negative person (I hope not) or because this is my place to vent.  There are blogs out there, like Dear Baby and Enjoying the Small Things, which I love, that are so beautifully and positively written – they inspire me daily to embrace the beauty in the ordinary.  They also portray parenting as something far more glamorous than what it really is.  To me.  To me

That being said, it’s no secret that I love my babies and my husband more than life.  The three of them are the only blip on my radar (too?) much of the time.  But you want truth:  Here it is.  Parenting ain’t no joke, people.  It takes a lot of energy.  It takes it’s toll.  I have a toddler, fast approaching 21 months, and an infant who is almost 7 months.  It’s not easy, but it was never meant to be.  Being a damn good parent, or trying to be, is tough.  There are things that drive me nuts every.single.day. BUT.  These days are so precious and that’s not lost on me.  I know these ordinary days, these crazy-making moments, are what I’m going to miss one day… like…

Theo running up to me and pushing and pulling on my legs while I’m fixing dinner, begging me to pick him up.
Because that mean he wants to be close to me.

The ache in my back from rocking Dexter to sleep at night before he settles into a deep slumber in his crib.
Because that means he still needs me to do that, just as much as I need him to let me.

The sound of Theo running/stomping down the hall while dragging his very loudest pull-toy past Dexter’s room while he is was napping.
Because that means he’s happy, full of energy, enjoying and entertaining himself.

Spending more time cleaning up the mess under the table after dinner than the time it took to eat. 
Because that means I got to sit at the table with my boys, all three of them, and share a meal together.

Wiping runny noses and making last minute doctor’s appointments.
Because when they’re sick, that’s when they need their mommy the most.

Spending countless hours pumping milk, scrubbing bottles, freezing milk, thawing milk, and packing it all up for the babysitter.
Because that means I’m giving my baby the best start possible. 

I could go on, you know?  But the point is this.  I (think I sort of) know how lucky I am.  With that being said, we’ve never had to deal with anything terrible, like life-threatening illness or injury.  Like losing our house in a fire or flood.  Things could be so much worse, no matter what, and I try to keep it in perspective.  I know these challenging, exhausting days won’t last forever.  I know one day my boys will be grown and out of the house.  I’ll think about how it all went by in a blink.  And I hope they’ll come back for lots of visits.  I hope they don’t move too far away from home.  I hope they’ll remember their childhood fondly and not have a clue how hard we worked to make it just exactly what it was.

Because that will mean we have succeeded. 

~C~ 

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