that’s what she said

to moms (expectant, newborn, and toddler): this is for you

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I have some advice / words of wisdom to share with you.

Because all new moms love unsolicited advice. 

Because I’m such an expert now that I have an almost 3 year old and an over 1.5+ year old. 

Or really, just because I just have all these thing to say that I wish someone would have said to me…or that I wish I would have listened to back then.

First, do yourself a favor and go read You’re Doing Good {A Letter of Encouragement} by Sarah over at It’s a Vol. 

If you’re pregnant:
1.  Enjoy this.  This will not, even if it feels like it will never end, last forever.  In the span of your lifetime, 9 months is nothing.  This time goes by so quickly and after that baby is born, it will be surreal.  You’ll be thrilled to bend over. To tie your own shoes.  To walk 10 feet without feeling out of breath.  But you will miss those kicks (even the ones that take your breath away).  You will miss looking at the profile of your round belly in the mirror.  You will miss running your hands from the top of your stomach, all the way down to the bottom and feeling your baby react to your touch. 
2.  Have someone take pictures of you.  They don’t have to be professional.  You don’t have to feel pretty or get dressed up.  You are beautiful – you will realize this later.  You will want to remember the way you look.
3.  Lay around as much as you can.  Sleep as much as you care to.  Go to restaurants to have someone else take care of you and the mess you’ve made.  Enjoy those dinners out because after this baby comes, the last thing you think about doing at a restaurant is relaxing and being taken care of. 
4. Don’t freak out.  Billions of women have gone before you and birthed babies successfully.  Your body was built to do this exact thing.  Being excited is fine, but don’t let anxiety about the birth consume you.  In the span of your lifetime, the time labor and delivery takes is nothing.  Don’t be afraid.  It might seem like the longest day of your life, but it will be the best day of your life. Focus on the latter.

If you have a newborn:
1. While becoming a mom may be completely natural, there are things about it that seem to go against nature. Nursing can come naturally, but sometimes it does not.  If this is important to you, don’t give up. Be stubborn. Billions of women have gone before you and nursed their babies successfully.  Your body was built to do this exact thing. But.  If it doesn’t work out, it’s not your fault.  And your baby will be fine.  Don’t let other people make you feel guilty.
2.  Ask for help.  It doesn’t make you less of a mother.  It doesn’t mean love your baby any less.  It doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you suck at this.  It’s normal to need a break and it’s important to take one when you get a chance. 
3.  Hold your baby as much as you can.  Your baby has been in your womb for 9(ish) months and has been held 24 hours a day.  Why would you deprive him or her of that now that she’s on the outside?  He may need to be held…and it’s not going to ruin him.  This sweet baby will not always want to be held.
4. You know how they say to sleep when the baby sleeps?  Rubbish.  You’re holding your baby when he’s awake; this is the only time you have to get anything done.  I missed the boat on this – get a GOOD carrier.  One that doesn’t hurt your back.  Do whatever you need to get done with the baby in the carrier while the baby is awake so you can sit and do jack squat (text, talk on the phone, play Words With Friends, or whatever else makes you feel normal) while the baby sleeps. 
5. Get. Out. Of. The. House.  There are those days when you can barely find time to shower.  Doesn’t matter.  Pack that baby up and go walk around the your neighborhood.  The park. The mall. The grocery store.  Fresh air does wonders for baby blues, feelings of isolation, and exhaustion.  I was paralyzed by the fear that Theo would puke all over both of us, crap all over himself, and/or scream bloody murder and people would stare.  After about 6 weeks, I learned that if the baby pukes, I can clean him up.  If he poops, I can clean that up too.  If he cries, so what.  People have heard babies cry before.  I can calm him down.  Fresh air improved my mood every time. P.S. Take comfort in knowing that, if there is a second time, it will be soooo much easier the second time.

If you have a little kid:
1.  This is just a stage.  Whether it’s good or bad. Hard or easy.  This is going to pass soon.  Try not to spend too much time dwelling on the negative. It will get better.  It will. There are things you will miss about your child being this age.  It’s a cycle.  Something is always getting easier while something else gets harder.  I don’t think that ever stops. 
2.  Today, your child is the smallest she will ever be.  She will never be this young again.  When you think your little kid is just too grown up, remember this.  In the span of her lifetime, the time spent as a little kid is nothing.  Cherish it, even when you can’t wait for her to be older, bigger, and more independent.  She will be more independent next week than she is today.
3.  Make memories on purpose, but realize that favorite memories will be ordinary things.  Like sitting on the counter while you cook.  Or sitting on your lap while you peel an apple for her to eat.  Or going to grandma’s house. Take pictures.  Don’t let too many days go by in between.
4.  Do things for yourself. By yourself.  With a friend.  Don’t lose sight of who you are just because you have a new role. 

What would you add to this list?

~C~

1 political post

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

And it’s not really even political. It’s just me blabbing and getting things off my chest for a minute.  I have restrained myself during this entire political season, aside from “liking” things that I ….well… like… on Facebook.  I lean to the left.  I’m a liberal when it comes to many issues.  I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of my political views but I don’t post on Facebook about how I think I support the superior party and everyone who doesn’t is an idiot.  I don’t believe that. I have a lot of intelligent friends whom I respect that are conservative.  I don’t think they are idiots when it’s not election time so I try to be open minded and remember that just because we don’t have the same political priorities, this is still a person that I respect and find interesting.

My Facebook feed has been absolutely littered with hate.  Hate for Obama, hate for anyone who has ever received public assistance, and hate for people who voted for Obama, hate-hate-hate.  It’s disturbing.  It has nothing to do with the issues but everything to do with attitudes. There’s a huge difference between supporting a candidate or party and spreading hate towards the other.  I read a lot more anti-Democrat and anti-Obama posts than anything from my conservative friends.  I could probably count on one hand the number of pro-Romney posts I read.  I read lots of pro-Obama posts from my liberal pals.  What I’ve gathered from this simple observation is that Democrats love Obama and Republicans love to hate him.  I’ve been trying to figure out the point of posting something every.single.day to remind everyone that they still hate the thing/person/party that they hated yesterday?

Are these posts meant to change my mind?  Not mine personally, but people who think like me?
Are they meant to try to prove something or one-up someone? To make them feel better about themselves and their position in life?
Are they meant to form a camaraderie with other like-minded people?  By spewing hate and criticism instead of support?
Or are they meant to offend me?  Because when people call me (as part of the general population) an idiot for holding the beliefs I hold, I’m a little offended.  I’m an intelligent college graduate and I think like one, thankyouverymuch, and just because I’m a liberal it doesn’t mean that I think the government should support me.

No one, regardless of how many angry, spiteful or well-written posts they share, is going to change my mind and my convictions.  I don’t feel the need to try to change anyone else’s mind or convince them to see things the way I see them.  That’s not my burden.  I certainly don’t want my friends to feel that I think they’re stupid because we don’t see eye to eye on gay marriage or public assistance or war or healthcare or whatever-the-case-may-be.  Them thinking I’m dumb doesn’t change my mind. It just makes me question my “friend”ship with them if they can’t respect me.

The division I’ve seen over the past weeks saddens me.  Only during election season do these claws come out.  I try not to take it personally, really.  And nothing has ever been directed at me personally. But I kind of do and it kind of has because my beliefs have been indirectly attacked.  They are part of who I am.  They make me compassionate.  They make me work hard.  They make me want to raise my boys to be compassionate and hard working.  Take me or leave me – I’m not changing.

And I just had to get that off my chest.
xo,
~C~

breastfeeding an 8 year old

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

My friend texted me this link to a YouTube video about a mother who nursed her first child until age 5 and the second child is still nursing at age 8 (as of 2007).  She also sent with it words like “nasty,” “creeptastic,” “sick,” and “serious mental health issues.”  That’s the typical perception, I suppose. Maybe I’m strange.

When I responded “I guess I don’t see it the same way.  I think it is bizarre, weird, not my choice, etc. but I don’t think it is gross,” she reiterated that the video showed the girls drawing pictures of their mom’s boobs, touching their mom’s boobs, and that they had named mom’s boobs.  Then she said “we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one,” without asking or waiting to see what else I had to say about it.

Hmm.  Okay.

The family in the video has (what sounds like) a British accent.  My understanding is that in lots of countries, it is not uncommon to nurse a toddler or even a preschooler (also known as extended breastfeeding).  The World Health Organization recommends nursing children to age 2 and beyond.  The American Academy of Pediatrics supports nursing for as long and the mother and child both desire: “There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.”

For sure, nursing an 8 year old is not the norm. 

My point?  I didn’t pick up on any sexual undertones from the video.  Yeah, it’s weird that the girls draw pictures and name their mom’s boobs, but they are still little kids and I guess if that is a normal part of their lives, it will be a topic of conversation and whatnot.  The video didn’t say the girls ONLY draw pictures of their mom’s boobs.  It didn’t say they grope their mom’s boobs.  It didn’t indicate that they were obsessed with their mom’s boobs.  No one was forcing anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do.  I dunno.  The video was about the extended breastfeeding, so mom’s boobs were the only topic discussed during the interview.  Something tells me they don’t just sit around and focus on nothing but mom’s boobs, day in and day out. They seemed like happy, healthy girls and I doubt they will need therapy because of extended, extended breastfeeding.  If anything, they might be embarrassed that this video is circulating on the internet. 

And, no.  I don’t plan on breastfeeding Dexter until he has zits. Here is an interesting article by Mayim Bialik (remember Blossom!?) about nursing her toddler.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sexual.  That’s what boobs are to us Americans.  Sexual things.  Private parts that should be covered up and not discussed or looked at or respected for what they were intended to do.  They exist to serve a purpose and it isn’t just to make other people horny.  They are there to feed babies, plain and simple.     

This video and brief text exchange got me thinking.  I don’t want this post to ramble on and on, but this is where the going-off-on-a-tangent thing happens.  I want to change the subject a bit and focus on the sexualization of female breasts and what that has done to our society. 

I shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed to feed my baby in public, but I do.  IF it is necessary, then I do it discreetly and I bet no one even knows what is happening except for the people I’m with.  I typically try to wait until we get to the car.  No, I will not nurse my baby in the bathroom, because that is disgusting.  Who wants to hear and smell other people taking a dump while they are eating?  Not my baby.

In many other countries, no discretion is expected or required when a mother nurses her baby.  Because of the culture I was raised in, I wouldn’t feel comfortable whipping a boob out to feed a baby while I finish up my grocery shopping.  But it’s not because I think there’s anything wrong with that.  It’s just not accepted in the society I live in.  I have read a dozen or more articles about nursing mamas being told to do this or go there when they are seen breastfeeding in public because it is “indecent.”  Other moms said they didn’t want their children around that.  They didn’t want to have to explain that to their kids’ virgin eyes.  Explain what?  That mothers feed their babies?  How would you explain the way a dog or cat nurses their puppies or kittens?  Would you say that they are indecent and disgusting?  It’s the exact same freakin’ thing. 

I get passionate about a few things and I guess this is one of them.  If I had never nursed a baby, I might have a different view.  Something as wonderful as breastfeeding your baby should not be a source of shame or stress for the mother or the child.

That’s how I see it, and to be honest, I don’t care one bit if people agree or disagree with me.  I say if you wanna breastfeed your 8 year old, more power to ya.  I would love to hear what other people, mamas or not, think about this.  Am I totally alone here?

~C~

P.S.  I have had a handful of people tell me that they can’t or have had trouble commenting on my blog.  If you are one of those people or if you have ever had trouble commenting on my blog, please try the new format.  If you still have trouble, please email me and let me know.  I’d hate to think people aren’t commenting because they can’t!  Your comments make my day.