weekend fun

The last couple of weekends have been full of fun and friends.  I got to visit with my three best friends that I no longer live close to.  It’s hard when the friends you relate to the most are the people that are the furthest away.

em. and L visited first, staying just a couple of days.  It was Em’s first chance to spend quality time with Dexter and the first time she had seen Theo in action since March.  With em. being the superior photographer, I let her take the pictures while she was here and I don’t have them yet.  We had a great time and a couple of pre-scheduled appointments meant that em. and L got to babysit for a couple of hours.  Theo and Dexter loved it…Mommy and Daddy might have loved it even more.  We certainly appreciated the help!

As soon as they left, it was time to get ready for a weekend at the in-laws’ lake house with my college BFF, T, and her adorable family.

T has a sweet husband, S, and they have two beautiful children, G (5) and M (2). 
M and Theo had lots of fun playing together.
Both G and M loved loving on baby Dexter!  I guess Dexter didn’t love it as much.  Party pooper.
And during the weekend, Theo discovered a couple of things that he loves, too.
Nana’s front-loading washer…
and reading books in Dexter’s bouncy seat. 
It was a great weekend.  Other favorite pics from the weekend:
Then, this past weekend, another BFF (named E) came to town.  I love how she jumps in like Dexter and Theo are her own kids and plays with them, diapers them, and does whatever else needs to be done.  Dexter has been getting happier and happier and I couldn’t be more excited.  Just like last time when I was on maternity leave, it starts getting fun right around the time you have to go back to work. 
We went to an old-fashioned ice cream shoppe and soda fountain. 
Afterwards, we went to a large indoor playground.  Perfect for a hot, steamy summer afternoon. 
I climbed to the top of this crazy thing with Theo.  What?  It said ages 5-12 recommended.  

Hard to tell how hot and sweaty I was by this point.  Not Theo.  He could have stayed for hours.  
It’s pretty challenging to travel with two babies, so I’m eternally grateful to my three best friends who made long trips to come see me and my little family.  Feeling pretty lucky these days.  
p.s.  Also feeling happy about finally getting a new computer.  Yes!

dear pancreatic cancer…i hate you.

Dear Pancreatic Cancer,

Today, it’s been 4 years since you robbed me of my dad and my kids of their Gramps, whom they will never know outside of the stories they are told.  Today is the anniversary of the day you stole a devoted, loving husband from his faithful wife of 35 years.  You took a grandfather from two little kids that thought the world of him.  The little girl is now 9 and it’s been almost half of her life since she saw her Gramps.  Will she remember him?  The little boy was only 2 at the time and he already remembers Gramps only through stories he is told and pictures he has seen.
Pancreatic Cancer, I hate you.  You’re the meanest, least forgiving cancer and I wouldn’t wish you upon my worst enemy.  Only 6% of people diagnosed with you survive more than 5 years and nearly three-fourths of patients die within 1 year.  You made quick work of my dad, ripping him from my clutches 4 months to the day after he was diagnosed with you.  You’re sneaky and relentless.  You hide and fail to present with your symptoms until it’s too late.  In 40 years of research and clinical trials, no cure has been found to eradicate you.  No treatment has been found to hold you at bay.  
You have forever ruined July 23rd for me.  My kids will only ever have memories of one of their grandfathers.  I have beautiful memories of my father’s father, who died when I was 8 or 9.  Knowing him helped me know my father.  Helped me understand where he came from and how he became the man that he was.  My kids will never have the chance to hear stories about their mommy when she was a little girl from their maternal grandfather.  They may never know what they have lost but I will always know.  I will always loathe you and blame you for the deficit in their lives.  My dad was only 55.  Don’t tell me everything happens for a reason.  There is no justification for taking such a wonderful man away from his family, who adored, admired, and needed him.  
Pancreatic Cancer, I hate you.  

in 3 years

At my 6 week checkup last month, I talked to my OB/GYN about birth control options.  After discussing all the possibilities, I left with a pamphlet about Implanon and made an appointment to get the implant a week later.  After doing a little research online, I decided that this was the best option for me.  I am horrible at remembering to take pills daily – especially the kind that you have to take at the exact same time every day (like the Mini-Pill, which is the only pill recommended for nursing mothers).

Implanon slowly releases hormones that prevent ovulation over the course of three years.  The implant is a small plastic rod inserted inside the upper arm.  I was given a shot to numb the area and then the rod was placed in my left arm through a needle, in which it was pre-inserted.  Did it hurt?  Yes.  Insertion hurt and it was pretty tender for about a week.  But so far, it’s worth it because I don’t have to worry about any more surprises for three whole years.  The biggest side effect that women complain about is irregular bleeding.  The doctor stated that very few women get it removed as a result.  

Ask me now if I want to have more kids and I will cut you off before you finish the question with a resounding “NO.”  Some days I am drowning in self-doubt and there are many days when I wonder if I can give these boys the best life with them being so close together.  I feel guilty because Theo didn’t get to be the baby for very long.  I feel guilty because Theo is still a baby, therefore Dexter might not get as much attention as he needs or deserves.   


In 3 years, I’ll be 34.  In 3 years, I will have a three year old and a four year old.  In 3 years, I’ll know for sure if I want to have more kids.  I can’t imagine myself having kids after the age of 35 for a couple of reasons.  I want my kids to be close in age and I wonder if I would have the energy to be raising teenagers into my fifties.  In 3 years, we will have made the decision of whether we want to have three kids.  We will not “try” for a girl.  If we have another child in 3 or 4 years, we will have an expectation, acceptance, and desire to have three boys.  If we ended up with a girl, it would simply be a sweet surprise.

In 3 years we will be out of diapers (hopefully) and our boys won’t rely on us as heavily as they do now.  In 3 years, I imagine that I will yearn to feel the sweet weight of an infant on my chest.  In 3 years, 2am feedings will be a distant memory.  In 3 years, I think we’ll know for sure.  Until then, I’ll pretend that my child-bearing days are not behind me.  Until then, I’ll pretend that I might see myself with a baby belly again.  Until then, I’ll live in the moment and make the most of the days and hours I have with these babies that are here right now.  Right now, I will make the most of the good times and the hard times.  Because in 3 years, I think we will decide that 2 babies are enough.

Time will tell.