try #2

Theo was pretty excited about using the potty a few months ago.  I blogged about and everything so you know it was like…whoa. He did really well. I didn’t wanna push him or stress him out. We got busy working on the house and I didn’t feel like it was my mother-in-law’s job to potty train my kid. So I slacked off and Theo got lazy. He hearts a diaper. 

I would talk to him about it from time to time.  Suggested wearing underwear.  He’d blatantly refuse. Throw fits. I quit asking. Here we are, weeks since the last time he’d worn underwear or peed in the potty.  I don’t know why, but a little over a week ago I started negotiating with him. I told him if he wanted to play outside, I needed him to wear underwear. He told me “mommy, I’ll pee in the grass.”  I said that was fine, no big deal, but if he did, we’d have to stop playing to come in and get cleaned up. No accidents.
The next day I asked him if he would just wear underwear in the car in the way to the sitter’s house. He caved for a sticker. The next day was tougher. He was crying and throwing a fit. I asked why and he said he didn’t want to poop in his underwears (he’s never dropped a deuce in the toilet).  I explained that he had already pooped that morning so he would be fine. No problems. That was last Friday.
He’s very aware of when he has his diaper vs. underwear on. He asks “am I wearing underwears still?” “Can I pee in my diaper?” Etc. He is smart enough to do it…he totally gets it. Now it’s just a matter of consistency on my part. He has to learn that this is the norm. This is what’s expected.  He’s worn underwear to the sitter the last 7 days that he’s gone and then worn his underwear all day except for nap & bedtime. I think he’s had 2 accidents.
Now if I could figure out how to get him to poop in the toilet. What’s that all about?

if you really knew me

You’d know that I suck at crowds and I’m not great with strangers. I have some social anxiety, which I guess is linked to my not-so-fabulous self esteem. You’d know that I’m incredibly shy and if I feel awkward around someone, I’ll probably just make an excuse to slip away.  I’m good one on one, or even talking to a couple new people at once…but only if they’re more talkative than me. No crowds of new people please. I hate the spotlight. Being the guest of honor at a party or event gives me bubble guts. 

You’d know I hate onions and Brad Paisley, but I love chili and Sugarland. You’d know I met my husband at Disney World and that we were in a long distance relationship for almost four years before we got married.

You’d know I sleep on my stomach, I love animated movies (Little Mermaid especially), and I’m grumpy if I don’t wake up on my own. You’d know I used to want a little girl so bad that I said if I had two boys, I’d try one more time for a girl (and you’d know I’ve changed my mind).

You’d know that I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 15 and that I have never used drugs. None. Never. You’d know my 2 bestest friends from high school are both named Emily and that I spent so much time with them that they became an entity known as “the Emilies” for years. You’d know that my mama treats those girls like family.

You’d know I love my babies more than anything in the whole wide world and that I’d do anything to make them smile. You’d know that I’m quick to lose my patience and that I often second guess my parenting. You’d know that my little family is my world and I’m doing my best for them.

Thanks to Sarah for the inspiration.


sometimes i want more. less.

Can I pour my heart out for a minute? 

Becoming a mother, without a doubt, was the greatest gift of my life.  The most monumental honor, privilege, and responsbility that has ever been given to me.  I dreamed having a child since I was a child myself.  Envisioned myself with a pregnant belly, breathing “hee hee hoo” through labor, and kissing that precious, pink, screaming baby when the doctor laid him on my chest.  Minus the “hee hee hoo,” all of that pretty much happened like it was supposed to. 

It’s amazing.  Phenomenal.  Words can’t really even describe the love and emotions I have felt since becoming a mother.  It’s the most beautiful, heart-wrenching experience.  Each day I look at my kids and I’m proud of them.  Literally – my pride and joy. I have real conversations with Theo that make me laugh and beam.  

But other times, I think about how much my life has changed.  For the better? Without a doubt.  For the worse? Yeah, that too.  Yep, I said it.

When I am not at work, I give my family 110% of myself.  It might be too much.  I don’t have anything left to give to anyone else, including myself.  99% of the time, I don’t even answer the phone if I am with my family.  Granted, part of that is out of respect for the person calling me because there’s a good chance my kids will be yelling in the background anyway.  Lately I just don’t have that much quality time to spend with my kids and husband, so when I’m with them, I’m with them.  Make sense?

I have friends that I used to talk to on the phone  For like…an hour.  I used to spend time with my friends.  I used to drive long distances to see friends. I would sing loud in the car to music I liked. I used to go to concerts and bookstores and coffee shops and just hang out.  I don’t need a break from my kids – I just need time for friends.  Time for myself.

When I had kids, everything changed.  For the most part, my bond with kidless friends faded and bonds with other people that have kids have grown.   Because of a couple reasons, I guess.  1. Because the kidless friends don’t always understand that 8pm dinner doesn’t cut it anymore.  I have to be home by 8 so the kids can be in bed by 8:30pm. And yeah … I wanna be there to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight.  No, I can’t just up and leave to meet you at Barnes&Noble at 2:30 in the afternoon. Kids are napping.  Naps are sacred.  SACRED.  2.  Because friends with kids help me cope with the craziness.  Strength in numbers.  Getting together is fun because guess what?  Their house is kid-proof and I don’t have to worry as much about what my toddlers can destroy. Also? It’s cute to see the kids developing their own friendships.

The thing about kids with friends though…there are always kids.  I love the kids.  Theirs. Mine.  Theirs and mine together.  But there’s never an opportunity for adult female friends to just hang out as adult female friends and not as moms, whose conversations are always interrupted by diapers, tantrums, spilled plates, and the like.

I miss having friends.  Time with friends.  Having a family and being a mom is how I identify myself 100% of the time.  99% of the time, I’m fine with that.  I don’t ever want to give that up.  I just want to find that other person who still lives inside of me.  Her name is Candice.  The friend.  The wife.  The music lover, movie goer, book reader, gym visitor, phone answerer, blogger, Candice. 

Do you ever feel this way?  Please tell me I’m not alone.  (Because that would probably mean I’m just a selfish person and terrible mom in general).