Month: September 2010

beginning of the end

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I’ve been dealing with an internal struggle about breastfeeding for several weeks now, as I have witnessed a decrease in the amount of milk output during pumping sessions.  I thought maybe the pump was defective, or maybe my breasts have gotten smaller since I’ve lost a little weight so the flanges were too large and therefore not working most efficiently.  I’ve thought maybe I’m drinking too much caffeine, or not enough water.  I’ve thought maybe I’m not getting enough rest or eating right.  I’ve tried altering everything and the milk supply continues to decrease.

Coinciding in a parallel fashion with the fall in production has been a rise in Theo’s episodes of waking in the night.  More and more over the last two weeks, he has been increasingly difficult to calm when he wakes.  We thought his stomach hurt or he was getting more teeth.  Maybe we were spoiling him and providing too much “help” in getting him to sleep…rocking, singing, swaying, shushing (all of the above at the same time).  It’s not the end of the world to have to do that for 20 minutes at 8:30pm, but it’s a big deal at 1am, then again at 1:45am, and 3 or 4 more times between then and 7am, when we finally just give up and get up for the day.

So we decided to try a few nights of letting him cry to see if he could figure out how to get himself to sleep without so much parental intervention.  It’s awful.  We’ve seen a decrease in the amount of time it takes him to get to sleep, but the 1am waking is a given.  And letting him cry is no longer an option at that point, because it’s brutal.  He’s seriously pissed.  I broke the rules and ended up picking him up, nursing him back to sleep, etc. several nights.  He was not going back to sleep otherwise.

Well, we took him to the doctor for his 6 month checkup last Thursday and I was shocked to find out that he had gone from the 50th percentile to the 72nd percentile for height and from the 25th percentile to the 13th percentile for weight.  My jaw dropped.  The doctor could see that I was distressed by this and I commented that he had dropped by half.  The doctor explained that you have to look at the numbers out of 100% and that he had actually only dropped by about 10%.  He also mentioned that he was not concerned as he would rather see long, lean babies than fat babies, and it wasn’t as if he had quit gaining…he just wasn’t gaining at the same pace he had been the first 4 months of life.  We began talking about his night waking and what it could be related to.  At that moment, it clicked.  I realized that he’s not getting enough to eat during the day because my milk supply has dropped.  I suggested this to the doctor and he agreed that I was probably right if I had noticed a substantial dip in my pumped supply.  It’s a bit perplexing, because he is always satisfied when he finishes eating.  I assumed he was getting plenty to eat as he never complained and always chose when to un-latch on his own.

He suggested feeding him a bottle from our frozen reserves before bed, or to begin supplementing with formula.  Yep, he dropped the F-bomb.  Up until now, I have been hell bent against using formula.  When all of this came together for me at the doctor’s office, I finally felt at peace with it.  I feel confident that if I was a stay-at-home-mom, I could have made it to a year.  But there’s something about pumping and being away from your baby for 20 hours a day through the week that confuses the body.  I feel proud of what I have been able to accomplish up to this point.  We have a month’s worth of frozen breastmilk that he will be able to drink at the babysitter’s house and I will continue pumping and nursing until nothing is coming out (or until he turns 1, whichever comes first). Otherwise, he will be eating more solids and having some formula.

I’m okay with it.  Or at least as okay as I’m going to be.  I’m not going to let my stubbornness and determination about breastfeeding until he turns 1 get in the way of my baby’s growth.  Last night he slept through the night for the first time in over a month.  He also had two 4 ounce bottles of formula during the day yesterday.

I’ll just be glad to start getting some sleep again…until the next phase.

~C~

that’s reality, sweetheart.

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I used to haaaaaaate the Duggars.  You know who I’m talking about, right?  The good old fashioned, wholesome family featured on the reality show, 19 Kids and Counting on TLC?  The sight of them used to make my skin crawl and my mood fowl.  I thought it was sick, twisted, and disgusting that they breed the way they do.  At first it was like the perpetual trainwreck that I could not turn away from, but I have to admit…I enjoy watching the show.  It’s the family I love to hate…and love.  Many of the things they do still annoy me but I must say, I’ve learned a thing or two from mama Michelle. 

What I dislike and/or disagree with:
 – Overpopulation (really…what if we ALL had 19+ kids!?)
 – Making the older kids raise the younger kids…so much for being a teenager!
 – Not kissing until your married…really?  Who does that?  I can understand the moral argument or desire to be abstinent from sex prior to marriage, but what if this mate has rancid breath?  Totally intolerable, rancid breath.  Deal-breaker!! Hello!?!?
 – Stating in your vows that you will let the Lord determine the number and timing of your children (trust me, if said Lord had anything to do with choosing the families that are able to recreate over and over and over and over, I wouldn’t have a job.  Hmm…maybe he gives the guy with the high sperm count the rancid breath…that might work).
 – Never allowing your children (or exposing them to the opportunity) to meet people that are not like them.
 – The whole courtship thing – they don’t date, they mate.  They literally choose a person and then “court” them with the intention to marry them right off the bat.  I get not wasting your time but is it really a sin to explore the options?  Hell, you aren’t going to kiss them so what are you risking?
– Their house is a compound, complete with a cafeteria-style kitchen and laundromat.  I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it’s definitely not homey. Oh, and all of the kids have to keep the whole house clean.  I don’t think I ever see Michelle cleaning.  Probably hard to though, when there’s always a baby on your boob.  Or in your belly.  Or both.
– Did I just hear that they are looking forward to having more children?  After their latest, Baby Josie, almost died?  Michelle, you can’t hold them in past 24 weeks anymore…it’s still unknown if Josie will have lifelong health problems as a result of her extreme prematurity.  That vagina needs to be closed for business. 

What I agree with and/or admire:
 – They have NO debt.  None. 
 – Those kids are the most well-behaved kids I’ve ever seen.
 – It doesn’t seem like being on TV for so many years has changed them or compromised what they value.
 – The entire family has a positive attitude about everything.  All the time. 
 – Mom and Dad Duggar are madly in love with each other, and the kids know it because they show it.
 – The parents teach their children to carefully consider their reactions to situations that are out of their control.  This one is my favorite, so I’m going to go off on a tangent now.  Consider yourself forewarned. 

For example, what good does screaming at a vehicle that cut you off do?  It might make you feel better, but it makes everyone else in the car feel tense.  Is it necessary to do that in front of your child?  I think not.  What does that teach them about dealing with life when it doesn’t go their way?  Throw a tantrum.  (Forget the fact that people are absolutely loony and will not hesitate to bust a cap in your tailpipe).

Think about how often we overreact to the most insignificant things.  I’m as guilty as anyone else, but I’m trying to work on it.  I don’t want my kid to think I’m going to blow up if he screws up during his soccer game or spills kool-aid on the couch (bad example, he will not have kool-aid on the couch under my watch.  Ever).  I don’t want my mood or my reaction to make people (especially my family) afraid to approach me with unfortunate news.  I strive to be more understanding.  More patient.  More accepting. 

One episode of 19 Kids and Counting in particular got me thinking about all of this.  There had been an ice storm and the weight of the ice caused lots of limbs to fall off of a large tree and create a huge mess in the Duggar yard.  I remember the endlessly cheesy dad, Jim Bob Duggar, saying something along the lines that he could get really upset about how inconvenient it was to have to clean it up, but instead he chose to be thankful that they had the equipment and the ability to clean it up and that the tree didn’t fall on their home or injure anyone.  Hmm…good point.  I think at my house, we would have just complained.

Enough about the Duggars.  Here’s some comic relief after all that seriousness.  Whew.

Have a good weekend,
~C~

6 month letter

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Dear Theo,

I can’t believe you’ve been here for half of a year already.  It’s so strange how much faster time seems to move now that you’re a part of my life.  Before you, not much changed in the span of six months.  But now?  Now you have evolved into a completely different person than the one you were just 26 weeks ago. 

Six months ago you couldn’t smile your sweet baby smile.  Or laugh.  Or sit up.  Or bite.  Or eat food (pureed, albeit).  Or sit in your carseat for 5 seconds without wailing.  Or entertain yourself for 5 seconds.  You couldn’t sit in the big boy stroller.  Or stay awake for more than an hour (unless it was the middle of the night…then, my boy…then, you had stamina).  You wore the teensiest clothes and they were loose.  You have doubled your birth weight and then some.  You’re more than half a foot taller than you were back then.  What if I did that every six months?  See what I mean!?

Your first spring and summer have zoomed past us.  You have no clue that it’s about to get bitter cold here in the midwest.  The second six months of your life will be spent in sweaters and mittens and you’ll be wrapped up in blankets.  The walks through our neighborhood will become more sparse as the temperature drops.  The sun will sink down behind the bare trees early in the evening.  You will smell new smells, like leaves burning and hot apple cider. 

Your first Halloween, Thanksgiving, steps, words, Christmas, solid foods, and birthday are all still ahead of us!  I know you are going to bring us more and more joy as time continues to fly. 

It’s a funny thing, “knowing” you.  When I was pregnant, I could predict your waking and sleeping cycles.  I jokingly reprimanded you for shoving your entire leg between my ribs.  Moments after you were born, I remember thinking that I had known you my whole life and what a relief it was to finally see you, hear you, kiss you, and hold you in my arms.  Two weeks later, I thought I was really getting to know you well as we were figuring out this whole how-to-be-a-mommy/how-to-live-on-the-outside-of-mommy thing.  Now I look back and realize how much your personality has grown.  And guess what?  You can’t even talk yet.  Aside from the joyous squeals and your backseat babblings of “ay-ay-ay-ay-ay,” you haven’t told me much at all.  Not one story, not one joke, not one synopsis of how your day was, or what food you like best.  I can’t wait for you to run up to me and give me a hug by wrapping your little arms around my legs.  15 years from now, you might not think I know you at all, but I will always try.  And I will always like you, no matter what you think or how you feel. 

This 6 month birthday of yours coincides with mommy deciding to finally clean out your closet.  I had no idea it would be so emotional for me!  I don’t typically save things that I don’t need, but it was hard parting with ANYTHING of yours.  You are precious, so all the things that represent you are too.  I will have to work on that, as we are already running out of room.  Now your closet is free from newborn layettes and 0-3 month onesies.  I found myself hugging your tiny outfits to my chest, then running to the next room to show your daddy with a half-smile/half-frown on my face, saying “remember when he wore this!?”  “Remember when he was this tiny!?” Or more accurately, “I can’t believe he was ever this tiny!”

The truth is, Sweet Pea, you are still tiny.  I can hold you close and smother you with kisses and you don’t try to get away (well, sometimes you’re squirmy but usually, you think it’s hilarious).  I can carry you on my hip as we stroll down the driveway to check the mail.  You fit on my lap and in my arms.  One day, probably not so far away, I will look back at pictures from this time in our lives and swoon over how small and sweet you were. 

Because I am so painfully aware of that, there’s a cloud of sadness that hangs out right next the the rays of happiness and joy that you bring to my life.  Sharing this life with you is a gift and I feel like the luckiest mommy ever, just being able to do so.  But I know, before too long, you will grow up and not need me like you do now.  I hope you will always need your mommy in some way. 

I love you, Sugar.  Happy Six Month Birthday.

xo,
Mommy