last night i was holding Dex tight up against me as he arched his back and extended his legs in sleepy protest.  i rocked back and forth quickly and forcefully at first, and then more gently as he began to surrender.  finally, his blue eyes were closed and i could only see his long eyelashes and the perfection of his smooth, milky skin.  i smiled, captivated by his sudden calm and asked R what time it was, knowing i would have to leave for work soon.

“8:42,” he said.

“nooo!” i cried in disbelief.  i had only sat down with him about 10 minutes earlier and would have to leave soon.  i hate how busy our evenings are and how little time i actually get to spend snuggling with my little man.

“you know,” i said, “we’re not going to be able to do this forever.”

“do what?”

“hold him this way.” i nodded towards Dex as both of my hands were wrapped around his small, warm body.  “we can’t rock him to sleep forever.”

R shrugged.  “well, it’s not gonna be easy – he’s gonna wake Theo up.”

i nodded.  “i know.  you’re right.  he’s too little anyway and I don’t wanna let him cry.”

i nuzzled into his cheek with my nose, breathing in his sweet, freshly bathed scent.  i kissed his face and paused there for a moment.  “i like holding him this way and i wanna do it as long as i can.”

and i’m gonna.

~C~