Month: September 2011

parenting fail number 5,129,543

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest
I used to babysit a wonderful little girl and I really loved her parents.  They were cool, laid back, and super nice.  They never got frazzled about anything that I did or didn’t do.  But there were little things that would come up that just got under my skin.  We had a relaxed, open policy – if she comes, you pay.  If she doesn’t, you don’t.  No big deal.  They dropped her off early, around 7:30am if I remember correctly.  This was long before my “real job” days so getting up at 6:45 to shower and get ready was no easy feat.

There would be days occasionally when I’d be up and ready, watching and waiting.  Looking out the door.  Wondering.  9am would come and go.  Then I’d get a phone call around 10am from the mom or dad saying they were going to keep her home or take her to work with them that day.  At the time, I thought that was kinda rude.

The deal was that they were supposed to send her lunch but if I cooked something at the house, she was welcomed to eat what I ate.  There were weeks when I didn’t make it to the grocery store and she would show up with no food so I had to scrounge and scramble to find something for her to eat.  Her parents always paid extra those weeks, which was nice, but it was the principle that they didn’t give me a heads up in either of those situations.

Nit-picky.  I know.  Looking back, none of it was a big deal.  And boy, have I learned how quick things tend to come up that lead to those kinds of scenarios.  In the end, I was lucky to be able to spend the summer with one of my favorite girls AND get paid to do it.  We went shopping.  To the pool.  To the movies.  You get the idea.

I digress.

I always swore when I had kids, I wouldn’t be one of those parents.  The parent who is always late to pick up.  The parent that forgets to pay.  The parent that sends their kid to the babysitter with a fever.  The parent that forgets to pack their kid’s lunch.  The parent that forgets to send their kid dressed in the themed color or crazy hat or whatever. 

Guys, I am that parent. 

I have forgotten the check (but I went right back home to get it).  I have overslept by a couple of hours when I meant to just take a short nap.  I forgot to send the right toy or book on “counting is fun day.”  I have sent my kid with a slight fever because I truly had to (our babysitter is okay with that, by the way!).  Every time anything happens, I kick myself and say I’m going to be more reliable and less absent-minded.  I’m going to make notes on the dry erase board and put reminders on my phone.   

I screwed up.

Yesterday, our babysitter had a very important appointment and she told us about it no less than three weeks in advance.  She reminded us about it last week.  I promised to be there by 3:30pm when I usually don’t pick up til around 5.  I thought about it yesterday morning on my way home from work.  Then I got home and I pumped.  I changed the sheets on Dexter’s crib.  I cleaned up the bottles.  I brushed my teeth and got my jammies on.  And then I crashed…without re-setting my alarm.  It was set for 4pm. 

The neighbors are getting a new roof and it was pretty noisy all day.  I woke up every hour and looked at the clock wondering if it was time to get up.  It never crossed my mind.  I woke up at 3pm and laid in bed, waiting to fall back asleep while listening to the sound of hammers and the saw.  My phone was sitting on the pillow next to me and I happened to be looking in it’s general direction when the screen silently lit up at 3:28. 

I picked up up and saw the babysitter’s name and immediately panicked – Dexter is still so sick.  I tried to sound somewhat awake because I didn’t want her to feel guilty for waking me up.  Don’t you always feel guilty when you call someone and they are clearly asleep?

Me:  Hello? 
Her:  Hi. It’s ____. 
Me: Hi. Is everything okay?
Her: We were just wondering if you were still going to make it so I could get there on time.  My appointment is at 4:10.
Me: Sh*t.  I’ll be right there. Bye.

My heart sank to my feet and my stomach jumped up in my throat as I lunged out of bed.  How could I forget?  I’d been lying there for a half hour, my mind completely void of anything.  I threw on some jeans and ran out the door as fast as I could, with my hair sticking out in 10 different directions and breath smelling like yesterday’s news.  Not my best look or my proudest moment by a mile.

While I was having an anxiety attack sitting at the 4 way stop a mile from her house, I texted her.

Me:  You can put Dexter in his carseat and meet me outside if you want.  Almost there.
Her: Yep.

So she did.  She was waiting on the front porch with the babies when I screeched into the driveway.  I hurriedly begged for forgiveness and she assured me it was fine as she rushed off.  Worthless, worthless, worthless.  That’s how I felt.  I hate being late for appointments and I know she is the same way.  She’s so super reliable and I can’t stand that I’ve turned into this parent that isn’t. 

It’s surely not on purpose and it’s not something I take lightly.  I just don’t know how to defeat my inner absent-minded professor.  I texted her later to apologize again and apparently she got there on time, or close enough.  She again said it was fine, but it’s not.  I hate being someone that our kids’ babysitter, of all people, doesn’t know if she can count on when I say I’ll do something.

Ugh.  Such a disgusting feeling.  Parenting fail number 5,129,543.

feeling like a loser,
~C~

go away croup, we hate you.

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I was hoping by now, I’d be able to report that the babies are healthy and life is back to normal.  Not yet.

Dexter was running a fever last Wednesday and a lower one on Thursday but it was gone by Friday.  Got Theo up, though, and guess what?  He felt hot.  So I took his temperature and it was 100.something.  He had a follow up from his ER visit at 8am so I decided not to give him ibuprofen right then and see what the doctor said.  His fever was still 99.something when we got there and the doctor was confused.  Let me tell you.  For the record, it’s a pretty icky feeling when your child’s doctor scratches his chin and says he just can’t figure out what’s wrong. 

He said his fever should not be back.  Croup peaks early and then symptoms go away gradually.  This was not the normal course for croup.  No strep.  No pneumonia.  No clue.  He did say that the steroid he’d received at the hospital should be wearing off, but the croup symptoms should be wearing off too. 

So, the conclusion was that he must have picked up another virus.  How?  Where?  We certainly hadn’t been anywhere besides the hospital (I know, they’re gross), but he didn’t touch anything there.  So all weekend, he continued not eating and coughing his little head off, and being a pain in the rear because he was so grumpy.  Towards the beginning of the week-o-illness, I’d said he could eat whatever he wanted.  Cookies.  Ice cream.  Crackers.  Popsicles.  Whatever…it’s calories, right.  I eat whatever sounds good to me when I feel like crap.

Backfire.  About 5 or 6 days in, he’s eating crackers.  Lots of them at times.  But that’s it.  I know for a fact that he loves pizza.  Meat loaf.  Peas.  Green beans.  Carrots.  But he absolutely refused to eat any of that.  Instead he walks around (or gets carried around as the case may be) and points at the junk food cabinet, saying “key-key?” and “cra-kah?”  So Saturday I put my foot down and said no more sweets.  He’s pretty pissed.  It feels extra crappy telling your SICK kid they can’t have this, they can’t have that.  Especially when you’ve been letting him have those things all week.  Now he’s confused.  And did I mention pissed?

Finally, Sunday afternoon, Theo started eating real food again.  It was touch and go, but I think his energy and appetite are almost back to normal.  He still has a nasty sounding cough (and he is still asking for a cookie every 5.2 seconds).

Poor, poor Deester.  My little baby now has a yucky sounding cough and it might hurt me as much as it hurts him.  I just want to take away all of their pain and discomfort and put it on myself.  It’s been hard seeing Theo so sick for the last week, but oh man.  Seeing Dexter so miserable is a whole new ball game.  Babies that little just shouldn’t be so sick.  We broke down and used the doctor’s cell phone number around 5 on Labor Day and he agreed to call in a steroid for Dexter, in hopes of avoiding another late night at the ER. 

Life has been such a whirlwind these past couple of weeks.  The house is a mess.  The laundry isn’t folded.  The dishes are dirty.  The shelves are dusty.  There have been several (more interesting) blog ideas that popped in and out of my head without getting written down.  I have missed lots of photo ops because my hands were full of babies.  There just hasn’t been time to do anything in the midst of all the craziness.  And everything being so out of order adds to my own sense of crazy.  Not good. Oh, did I mention that we got a new roof last week?  Throw that into the mix for a little extra stress and excitement.

I’m hoping Dexter will feel better soon.  Mainly because I love that little human more than life itself and I just want my happy, healthy boy back.  But also (selfishly, perhaps) because we are supposed to visit with good friends this weekend and I’d be devastated if we can’t get together.  And also because a new little bitty baby starts at the babysitter next Monday and I’d die if he got sick too.  Another thing that adds to my stress is that I have very little time that I can take off from work.  It’s so hard being away from the babes, especially at night when croup gets really bad.   

Ok, enough about the sickness.  We are going to get better.  I’m willing it to happen today. 

hopeful,
~C~

is it over yet?

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

This week has been bad for a lot of people I know.  A super nice guy I went to high school with passed away suddenly on Sunday.  It’s just sobering and hard to believe.  It could be any one of my friends.  Our babysitter’s husband’s grandma passed away.  A friend’s 19 year old cousin was diagnosed with Leukemia.

In light of all that, I guess our week wasn’t that bad.  But it was bad and I’m waiting for it to get worse.  Sunday afternoon, Theo woke up from his nap with a fever.  It continued for a couple of days and he was just not feeling well in general.  Pretty much the same as the other few times he’s had a virus.  Tuesday afternoon he started coughing.  I got a call from R at work at 10:20 Tuesday night saying that Theo was “barking,” hysterical, and couldn’t catch his breath.  He was waiting for the doctor’s office/on call nurse to call back.  A few minutes later he called back and calmly said “he’s in respiratory distress, I have to take him to the emergency room.  And she said ‘it’s okay if you want to call 911.'”

Cue the freakout.

I dropped the phone and practically ran across the floor to find my supervisor.  As soon as I started speaking the words, I felt those invisible hands tightening up around my neck and felt hot tears springing into my eyes.  Before I got the first sentence out, I could barely talk.  My baby.  Respiratory distress.  Emergency room.  Call 911.

My bosses were so kind and gracious and told me to get the heck out of there.  Go be with your family.  I did something I never do and left my work for others to complete.  I still feel guilty about that but no amount of guilt could have tied me to my desk for another two hours while I waited to hear from R, not knowing if my son was okay.

I quickly wrapped up the file I was working on and shut my computer down.  I was on the interstate in no time.  The hospital never seemed so far away.  I called my mom, crying, because I needed someone to tell me everything was going to be alright.  I got to the hospital around 11 or just after.  There were my three boys, sitting in the waiting room.  Didn’t these fools understand the urgency?  Why didn’t they have him on oxygen or a breathing treatment?  I rushed over to where they were sitting and scooped Theo up into my arms.  He smiled and said “Mama!”

What?  This was respiratory distress?  We waited and waited.  And waited some more.  They took us back and did his vitals.  Then sent us to the waiting room to wait some more.  He had ups and downs and was definitely “barking” every time he talked, cried, coughed, and especially when he got upset.  He thought it was super fun to take a drink from the water fountain so we made a game of that to help pass the time.  Surprisingly, Dexter just sat in his carseat, never making a peep.

We finally got to go back and eventually, they said that Theo had an upper respiratory virus and croup.  He was exhausted but couldn’t get comfortable enough to go to sleep.  They gave him a steroid in liquid form mixed with apple juice, which was a huge treat.  We were there until 2am.  He has been in so much pain, every time he coughs.  He still feels like crap and his voice is so raspy, which is cute, but sad.  But cute.  Luckily, he hasn’t had a fever since Tuesday night so maybe he’s no longer contagious.

However.

Yesterday, Dexter came down with a fever so I called the doctor.  I remembered they had warned us about Dexter getting a fever when Theo was sick a couple of months ago.  I couldn’t remember what was an okay fever and what was a scary fever.  His was 100.4 when I called and they said if it gets above 101, they want to see him.  And they said he will probably get croup.  Sad face.  Croup is awful.

So today, his fever has been off and on.  I haven’t given him any medicine yet, I’m hoping it will just run it’s course.  He’s been a little fussy but doesn’t seem terribly miserable.  He has had a few weird coughs today so I’m afraid that’s the beginning of croup all over again.  My poor babies.

On top of the kids being so sick, we got a new roof this week and it has been one thing after another.  Mainly, I haven’t been able to sleep at home, which has been bad.  I feel like I’ve gotten about 10 hours of sleep since Sunday.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Ever since I was pregnant with Theo, I just haven’t slept well.  It doesn’t matter if the kids wake up at night or not…I’m up.  And once I’m up, I stay up.  Everything is so much harder when you’re functioning at about half.

So good riddance to this week and welcome next week.  I’m hoping that next week treats everyone much kinder.

this week sucks.
~C~