Can I share something embarrassing with you? 

I haven’t bought new clothes (for fall and winter) since oh, I don’t know…2008?  I hate am growing tired of wearing the same crappy jeans and long sleeved t-shirts every day.  Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I don’t have to dress up for work.  I can wear jeans, tennis shoes, whatever.  So we’re not supposed to wear holey t-shirts or cut offs or anything, but you get what I mean.  (We aren’t really supposed to wear hoodies either, but since it’s usually 25 below in there at night, they let the 3rd-shifters get by with it). 

I just feel frumpy and gross.  Always.  First of all, it’s hard to go shopping when you have 2 babies.  It’s not like you can take a shopping cart in the fitting room.  Or a double stroller.  So the weekend is the only time I could really go, and guess what?  I don’t really want to, because I like spending time with my husband.  Imagine that.

Additionally, I don’t enjoy spending money.  We don’t have tons of it to spend, but I could afford to buy myself an outfit or two each month.  I’m always choosing to buy things for the kids instead or thinking about what that money could better be spent on.  Whether I’m at the mall or Target, I go straight to the sale racks when I do need to pick up a cute shirt for a weekend get-together (because I know the friends/family/etc are so sick of seeing me in the same things for many, many years now).  Nothing wrong with finding a good deal, but here’s the thing.  You get what you pay for 99% of the time.  Even if that $6 shirt is super cute, it will probably fall apart the second time it gets washed.  Or if it’s a sweater, it will be all ball-y after the first wear.  I always forget these things until it’s too late.  Then I curse myself for buying yet another cheap top from Old Navy.

I just can’t pay full price, my brain isn’t trained that way.  If I could get over it, I’d probably look and feel a lot nicer.  Instead, I end up with a bunch of future cleaning rags and end up wearing my same ol, same ol jeans and t-shirts.  And tennis shoes. 

Sigh.

Now, I know there are outrageous deals to be found at Goodwill and consignment stores.  I’m thrify, as in cheap/budget-conscious/straight-to-the-sale-rack thrifty, but I’m not thrifty as in dig-through-a-600-gallon-cardboard-bin-of-moth-ball-smelling-tops-for-3-hours-until-you-find-one-cute tank-top-that-you-still-need-a-cardigan-to-go-over-only-to-discover-the-coffee-stain-between-the-boobs thifty.

Bigger sigh. 

I hate feeling ugly and dumpy and gross like this all the time.  I don’t think about it when I’m at home playing with the kids, but when it’s time to go somewhere…when it’s time to go hang out with one of my cutely clothed mom friends… when I’m wearing the same outfit to work for the 3rd Monday in a row…. it gets me down. 

I just don’t know how other moms do it.  How do I get out of the “I’m poor” mentality? Out of the “never spend more than $10 on a shirt” mentality?  Out of the “I wish I was pretty” mentality?  Out of the “my kids will look cute at all costs but I don’t deserve that for myself” mentality. 

~C~