most pathetic boobs ever.

Posted on January 19, 2012 by mommyinthemidwest

Dear Boobs of Mine,

You are a sorry excuse for a rack. You always have been. You’ve let me down ever since I was 13 when other girls had real lumps under their sweaters and you could only be classified as itty bitty bumps. The mean boys made fun of girls with smallies and ogled girls with biggies. You were part of the reason for my low self-esteem for years. I thought maybe you’d balloon up one day, but surprise, surprise…you failed me.

You’re just a pair of failures. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway, I learned to live with small boobs. I bought padded bras. Wonderbras. Went bra-less at times. I tried to embrace whatever good I could find in having tiny ta-tas. Sure, there were times that I dreamed of filling you up with giant saline implants, but eventually I grew up and grew to accept and respect both of you for what you were.

Jugs. Funny word we use for boobs, since “jugs” is commonly associated with milk, right? I assumed that ONE day, you would at least serve a friggin’ purpose if you couldn’t just look cute in a low-cut shirt, for crying out loud. You knew this day would come. You knew that you would be called upon to do a very important job. You knew that your obligation to me was primarily cosmetic, but what about the kids, guys? Er, girls? I gave you a pass for drying up 6 months into nursing Theo because I the dada slipped up and got me pregnant. My hormones were wacko and you didn’t know what to do so you shut down. I.Get.It.

But what’s your excuse now? Why are you on a mission to deprive sweet little Dexter of your glorious milk? He’s only 8 months old. You have made it this far (thanksforthatbytheway), so what’s 4 more months? I won’t do this to you again. Or at least I’m not planning to. You loathed being engorged and deflated (lather, rinse, repeat) and the stretch marks that were left behind. I know you are sick of being sucked on by a tiny human. You are completely annoyed by being crammed into the dumb pump flanges for 30 minutes, 4 times a day, 4 days a week. You hate wearing stupid crinkly paper diapers, just in case you spring a leak. You hate being bound by ugly nursing bras. I HATE ALL THOSE THINGS TOO. Don’t you get it?

You know that quote from Spider-Man, “with great power comes great responsibility”?

I haven’t asked that much from you in life. Like I said before, I accepted your faults. All I wanted was to make it to one year of breastfeeding with ONE of my kids. Since I the dada admittedly ruined Theo’s chances, clearly you were supposed to step up here and keep the milk flowing for 12 months with Dexter.

Fail.
Fail.
Fail.
Fail.

Worst boobs ever.

I don’t know what your deal is but I can see that you are not going to be persuaded to make ~~more~~ enough milk by my drinking teas and popping pills. And for that, stupid tits, you have disappointed me to the brink of devastation. I can’t beg you anymore than I have already begged you. I can’t stimulate you anymore than I have already stimulated you. I can’t keep reminding you to make milk – it is your one job in life and you have failed.

I am losing respect in you every time I pump and watch 1 or 2 ounces dribble out of your idiotic nips. I will keep pumping you for every ounce for as long as it’s worth it, but I have a feeling that your breastfeeding abilities are diminishing rather rapidly. Piss poor excuse for boobs, you’re breaking my heart. I’ll never understand you. Either of you.

Disrespectfully yours,
Your owner

breastfeeding an 8 year old

Posted on December 14, 2011 by mommyinthemidwest

{i do not own this photo}

My friend texted me this link to a YouTube video about a mother who nursed her first child until age 5 and the second child is still nursing at age 8 (as of 2007). She also sent with it words like “nasty,” “creeptastic,” “sick,” and “serious mental health issues.” That’s the typical perception, I suppose. Maybe I’m strange.

When I responded “I guess I don’t see it the same way. I think it is bizarre, weird, not my choice, etc. but I don’t think it is gross,” she reiterated that the video showed the girls drawing pictures of their mom’s boobs, touching their mom’s boobs, and that they had named mom’s boobs. Then she said “we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one,” without asking or waiting to see what else I had to say about it.

Hmm. Okay.

The family in the video has (what sounds like) a British accent. My understanding is that in lots of countries, it is not uncommon to nurse a toddler or even a preschooler (also known as extended breastfeeding). The World Health Organization recommends nursing children to age 2 and beyond. The American Academy of Pediatrics supports nursing for as long and the mother and child both desire: “There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeedingandno evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeedinginto the third year of life or longer.”

For sure, nursing an 8 year old is not the norm.

My point? I didn’t pick up on any sexual undertones from the video. Yeah, it’s weird that the girls draw pictures and name their mom’s boobs, but they are still little kids and I guess if that is a normal part of their lives, it will be a topic of conversation and whatnot. The video didn’t say the girls ONLY draw pictures of their mom’s boobs. It didn’t say they grope their mom’s boobs. It didn’t indicate that they were obsessed with their mom’s boobs. No one was forcing anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do. I dunno. The video was about the extended breastfeeding, so mom’s boobs were the only topic discussed during the interview. Something tells me they don’t just sit around and focus on nothing but mom’s boobs, day in and day out. They seemed like happy, healthy girls and I doubt they will need therapy because of extended, extended breastfeeding. If anything, they might be embarrassed that this video is circulating on the internet.

And, no. I don’t plan on breastfeeding Dexter until he has zits. Here is an interesting article by Mayim Bialik (remember Blossom!?) about nursing her toddler.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sexual. That’s what boobs are to us Americans. Sexual things. Private parts that should be covered up and not discussed or looked at or respected for what they were intended to do. They exist to serve a purpose and it isn’t just to make other people horny. They are there to feed babies, plain and simple.

This video and brief text exchange got me thinking. I don’t want this post to ramble on and on, but this is where the going-off-on-a-tangent thing happens. I want to change the subject a bit and focus on the sexualization of female breasts and what that has done to our society.

I shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed to feed my baby in public, but I do. IF it is necessary, then I do it discreetly and I bet no one even knows what is happening except for the people I’m with. I typically try to wait until we get to the car. No, I will not nurse my baby in the bathroom, because that is disgusting. Who wants to hear and smell other people taking a dump while they are eating? Not my baby.

In many other countries, no discretion is expected or required when a mother nurses her baby. Because of the culture I was raised in, I wouldn’t feel comfortable whipping a boob out to feed a baby while I finish up my grocery shopping. But it’s not because I think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not accepted in the society I live in. I have read a dozen or more articles about nursing mamas being told to do this or go there when they are seen breastfeeding in public because it is “indecent.” Other moms said they didn’t want their children around that. They didn’t want to have to explain that to their kids’ virgin eyes. Explain what? That mothers feed their babies? How would you explain the way a dog or cat nurses their puppies or kittens? Would you say that they are indecent and disgusting? It’s the exact same freakin’ thing.

I get passionate about a few things and I guess this is one of them. If I had never nursed a baby, I might have a different view. Something as wonderful as breastfeeding your baby should not be a source of shame or stress for the mother or the child.

That’s how I see it, and to be honest, I don’t care one bit if people agree or disagree with me. I say if you wanna breastfeed your 8 year old, more power to ya. I would love to hear what other people, mamas or not, think about this. Am I totally alone here?

~C~

P.S. I have had a handful of people tell me that they can’t or have had trouble commenting on my blog. If you are one of those people or if you have ever had trouble commenting on my blog, please try the new format. If you still have trouble, please email me and let me know. I’d hate to think people aren’t commenting because they can’t! Your comments make my day.

the case of the disappearing milk supply

Posted on November 28, 2011 by mommyinthemidwest

With Theo, I had such an oversupply of milk that I had to pump before I went to bed. Sometimes after he nursed in the mornings, too. With Dexter, not the case. Right at six months, my milk production fell off with Theo and I agonized over it until I found out I was pregnant. Simple explanation, really. So we started supplementing with formula and I was able to do that and nurse/use our freezer reserves until he was 8 months old.

I AM NOT PREGNANT. So why am I having the same dip in supply now that Dexter is 6 months old? This coincides with me deciding to make him bigger bottles (an extra 4 oz spread out over 4 bottles) during the week, so I’m failing to even make enough milk for those right now. Forget having enough left over to freeze. I do still have frozen milk for him (for now) but I’m having to use it just to fill up the bottles. Talk about stress. I have a friend that just nursed twins for a year. She works full-time too. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but my body doesn’t seem to want to feed my babies for much more than six months.

I’m not giving up. If it doesn’t improve soon, I’ll start Fenugreek. I’m just not excited about it since I’ve read that it makes you and your baby smell like maple syrup. Ew? And I’m also not excited because I know once I start taking it, there’s no going back. I’m afraid if I don’t keep taking it in increasing amounts, my supply will just continue to dwindle or dry up. Anyone have experience with Fenugreek? Or this 6 month milk mystery?

All I want is to prolong these fleeting, snuggly moments with my baby boy. He seems to be getting plenty to eat on the weekend so I’m inclined to believe it has more to do with pumping. Of course pumps are nowhere near as effective as emptying the breasts, so the more he nurses the better off we both are.

I figured parenting would be stressful, but sheesh. I didn’t know I’d have to measure and agonize over every ounce of breastmilk. And hey, you want to talk about someone crying over spilled milk? Yes, that really happens. The stuff is gold at my house. We don’t waste one drop.

3 days til surgery consultation. : (

~C~