we’re rear-facing until 24 months (at least)

Posted on October 11, 2011 by mommyinthemidwest

Theo (at 18 months) in his Graco My Ride 65

I hate how skittish I am when it comes to blogging things that readers might find offensive. I’ve wanted to talk about how my kids will remain rear-facing in their car seats until they are at least 2 for quite awhile. Especially since I read this post by Mommyboots on the same subject. But the thing is, I don’t want to come off like I think I’m a better mom or that I think I care more about my kids than anyone whose toddler is forward facing. My assumption is that lots of parents are misinformed – by their pediatricians even – or have never had the inclination to read the research for themselves about why rear-facing is so important. I would never want other moms to think I’m telling them how to raise their kid. I certainly don’t want anyone telling me how to raise mine, so this post is just about sharing information. Is that cool, guys? If not, you better scoot along right now.

I’ve gotten strange looks and even a handful of (almost condescending “oh isn’t that cute?”) comments about how safety-oriented I am (as if that’s a bad thing?) because Theo is now 19 months and is still rear facing in his car seat. That shocks me, considering that American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that ALL children remain rear facing until at least age 2 for their safety. At Theo’s 9 and 12 month appointments, our pediatrician reminded us of the risks involved in turning a child age 12-23 months forward facing. I don’t consider myself the nutty, hovering-helicopter type by any means. The simple truth is that this is an easy way to make my child FIVE times safer in his car seat and 75 percent less likely to die in an automobile accident. Let’s face it – people are crazy and you never know who you are on the road with. Plus, these convertible seats are a pain in the butt to install. So it’s actually LESS work leaving him rear facing longer. Lazy person’s bonus right there.

I guess some people say their kid doesn’t like to be rear-facing because they can’t see out as well. If that was the only experience they’d had, they wouldn’t know any better. Some people say their kid cries when they are rear-facing. Isn’t that better than taking the chance of them sustaining fatal or permanent injuries? Some parents say that their kid’s legs are too long. Kids sit with their legs crossed all the time. So do I. It’s not uncomfortable at all. Other parents might think that kids suffer broken legs more often in a crash when they are rear-facing. Not true. More children suffer broken legs when they are forward facing.

The research shows that a rear-facing car seat deflects the impact of a collision throughout the back of the car seat, the child’s back, head, and neck. In a forward facing carseat, the neck takes the brunt of the impact. I can’t cite all of this information because it has come from multiple sites and articles that I have read, but if you take 10 minutes to google how long should by baby stay rear-facing and thumb through the results, you’ll read all the same things.

The law is currently that a child cannot be turned forward facing until they meet minimum requirements of 20 pounds and 12 months. The law is not that they must be turned forward facing at that time. I look for the laws about this to change soon – the research strongly supports favorable outcomes for children who rear-face well beyond 12 months.

Courtesy of University of Michigan Child Passenger Protection

Just look at the image above from a 2007 crash test comparison. It’s pretty convincing when you see the difference in how the baby’s body is affected by the impact. According to this article, “the mass of the head of a small child is about 25% of the body mass whereas the mass of the adult head is only 6%! A small child’s neck sustains massive amounts of force in a crash. The body is held back by the straps while the head is thrown forward – stressing, stretching or even breaking the spinal cord.”

I’m like the next mom – I have a love/hate relationship with milestones (and turning your toddler forward-facing is certainly a big one). I love moving to the next exciting developmental stage, but I hate how that always means that we’re leaving the newborn days further and further behind. Even though I know it will be easier to interact with them when they are forward-facing….even though I suspect they will enjoy road trips much more when they are forward facing….I’m not rushing this milestone.

If you don’t believe me, because I’m certainly not an expert, please check out some of the resources below.

American Academy of Pediatrics

Car-Safety.org

National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

If your 12-23 month old child is currently forward-facing, I hope you’ll consider repositioning his or her car seat. And I hope I haven’t made you mad – it’s just because this is really important to me and because I sincerely care.

Comments, questions, ridicule, and suggestions are very welcomed.

~C~

when sad slaps happy upside the head

Posted on September 27, 2011 by mommyinthemidwest

This past weekend was such a mix of the ordinary and the extraordinary. There were these moments, those little ones, that make it all worthwhile. Friday I had both babies by myself and it was a good day. Nothing spectacular, but not stressful and therefore a solid “good.” I ran some errands, met a friend at the mall for a Chic-Fil-A lunch and playground time, and did some chores while both kids napped (massive success). That night, my heart nearly exploded out of my chest as I watched Theo trying to entertain Dexter for the first time. I mean, Dexter is pretty entertained by Theo – he always follows his every move. But this was different. It was on purpose. Theo was sitting on the couch next to me as I was holding Dexter and they were smiling at and reacting to one another. Theo was leaning over in Dexter’s face, grinning and admiring his baby brother. It was a moment that would mean absolutely nothing to anyone else sitting there, but one that I had been waiting for. It was so sweet. Stinkin’ adorable.

On Saturday, the early morning was full of sleepy snuggles in a dark bedroom as barely awake babies were tucked beneath cozy blankets. Theo drank whole milk from a pirate sippy cup as Dexter nursed and a big mess of intertwined legs and feet ensued. R and I paused and looked across the divide between us, full of squirmy little kids in footie pajamas, and quietly smiled at one another…thinking this is it. This is what everyone wants. We’ve got it. This is the dream. If “they” don’t want this, then “they” don’t know what it is. I felt insurmountable wealth in that moment.

After agonizing about it all week, I decided to accept R’s parents’ offer to keep Dexter and Theo Saturday night so that we could enjoy our first kid-free night since April. I went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. There were pros. There were cons. There were stomachaches thinking about leaving my bitty baby Dexy for the first time. Ultimately, I knew that I had to do it because we desperately needed that time together. But I didn’t want to. But I did. You see? It was quite the challenge. Long story short(ish), we dropped them off and had dinner at Bravo, then saw the movie Straw Dogs (I thought it was good, for what that’s worth, and I’m going to talk more about a particular scene in a separate post). Of course, I had to pump, so we went home for that and then headed over to The Melting Pot for a decadent dessert (which was friggin’ amazing). Y’all. We didn’t even GET to The Melting Pot until after 10pm. That’s 2200 hrs. Do you understand how wacky and extraordinary a phenomenon this has become? As we were gushing over how delicious our Cookies ‘n Cream Marshmallow Dream fondue was, I felt the deepest gratitude for my in-laws…who not only agree to babysit when we ask them to, but ask if and when they can babysit. Again, so lucky.

I felt a sense of renewal and rejuvenation I haven’t felt since, well, probably the last time I was kid-free for a night. I spend so much time in mommy mode nowadays that I tend to forget I ever had any other mode. Being my husband’s girlfriend (and not just the mother of his children) for a day was fun. Waking up on Sunday morning at 9:08am was pretty magical too. Lying on the couch watching Ghost on Lifetime (or whatever channel it was) was kickass. But you know what, guys? Seeing those kids on Sunday afternoon – that was the best. Theo’s little chipmunk grin and Dexter’s gummy, slobbery smile…those faces melt my heart. My little humans were finally home and back in my arms. We had a good dinner and some time to play before they went to bed. The weekend was over but the euphoria from those perfect three days lingered on.

I got in my car and started the quiet drive to work, feeling full of contentment about my life. For some reason, I started thinking about a shirt we bought Dexter that had a cute excavator and said “my grandpa digs me” on it. I had showed it to R’s dad before they left. Five minutes before I pulled into the parking garage, that stupid little 3-6 month shirt made me cry. I thought about how Dexter would never wear that shirt for my dad. I have often thought things like “my dad won’t meet my kids,” etc. But I had never thought much about what his relationship with them would have been like. I never pictured him chasing after Theo or them laughing together as he tossed Theo up in the air. I had never imagined him snuggling Dexter up to his scratchy beard to kiss his forehead. Never envisioned him taking my boys fishing and coming back with stories about funny things that happened. He won’t shake their hands or hug their necks and say “I’m proud of you” on graduation day. I never thought about the memories my kids won’t make because they don’t have their Gramps. The memories that I won’t make because my kids don’t have their Gramps.

For some reason, that realization took me by surprise and before I knew it, hot tears were welling up in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks. Life is weird. And beautiful. And strange. And ugly. Death and loss is a natural part of that, I know. Just when you think you’re truly happy, sad comes along and slaps you upside the head. Missing my dad is something I do every day, but I’m not going to let that steal my thunder. All in all, it was still a perfect weekend.

xo,
~C~

fall fun (and stuff)

Posted on September 22, 2011 by mommyinthemidwest

This past weekend, my mom and 9 year old niece visited. And Dexter tried baby oatmeal for the first time. I know you’re supposed to give them rice cereal first, but Theo thought it was gross so we skipped it altogether for Dex. We went to the apple orchard (and took no pictures of anything apple related). Here’s the photoblog!