i need an instruction manual

the case of the disappearing milk supply

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

With Theo, I had such an oversupply of milk that I had to pump before I went to bed.  Sometimes after he nursed in the mornings, too.  With Dexter, not the case.  Right at six months, my milk production fell off with Theo and I agonized over it until I found out I was pregnant.  Simple explanation, really.  So we started supplementing with formula and I was able to do that and nurse/use our freezer reserves until he was 8 months old. 

I AM NOT PREGNANT.  So why am I having the same dip in supply now that Dexter is 6 months old?  This coincides with me deciding to make him bigger bottles (an extra 4 oz spread out over 4 bottles) during the week, so I’m failing to even make enough milk for those right now.  Forget having enough left over to freeze.  I do still have frozen milk for him (for now) but I’m having to use it just to fill up the bottles.  Talk about stress.  I have a friend that just nursed twins for a year.  She works full-time too.  I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but my body doesn’t seem to want to feed my babies for much more than six months. 

I’m not giving up.  If it doesn’t improve soon, I’ll start Fenugreek.  I’m just not excited about it since I’ve read that it makes you and your baby smell like maple syrup.  Ew?  And I’m also not excited because I know once I start taking it, there’s no going back.  I’m afraid if I don’t keep taking it in increasing amounts, my supply will just continue to dwindle or dry up.  Anyone have experience with Fenugreek?  Or this 6 month milk mystery?

All I want is to prolong these fleeting, snuggly moments with my baby boy.  He seems to be getting plenty to eat on the weekend so I’m inclined to believe it has more to do with pumping.  Of course pumps are nowhere near as effective as emptying the breasts, so the more he nurses the better off we both are. 

I figured parenting would be stressful, but sheesh.  I didn’t know I’d have to measure and agonize over every ounce of breastmilk.  And hey, you want to talk about someone crying over spilled milk?  Yes, that really happens.  The stuff is gold at my house.  We don’t waste one drop. 

3 days til surgery consultation.  : (

~C~

i don’t think i could be a stay-at-home-mom

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest
I’ve been back to work now for over three months – just a little longer than my maternity leave lasted.  And here my little Dexter is almost six months old.  I was reading through some old blog posts – specifically the one to Theo on his half birthday – and I can’t believe how time has flown.  I sure didn’t know then that a little over a year later, I’d be looking back at the first six months of my second child’s life. 

Working is okay, I guess.  It’s a balancing act.  I don’t know how well I would do as a full time stay at home mom.  I think I would get bored at times.  I think the kids would definitely get bored at times.  I love our babysitter.  She’s awesome.  We were lucky enough to find her via care.com and she has been unbelievably reliable.  She’s exceeded all of our expectations.  She does crafty crafts with my 5 (almost 6, sad face sad face sad face) month old, for pete’s sake.  I would never have the creativity nor the patience to do half of what she does.  With all that being said, I really miss my kids during the week.  I leave for work after they go to bed at night, their dad takes them to the babysitter before I get home in the morning, and I pick them up around 5pm in the evening.  So I basically get to spend 2.5 or 3 hours with my boys on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights.

On Thursday mornings after work, I’ve been sending them to the babysitter so I can rest and/or catch up on chores and errands.  It’s Thursdays I have the most trouble with.  Technically, I could take a two or three hour nap and go get them.  But by the time I could go get them, Theo would be taking a nap.  And what’s the point of going to get Dexter if I’m just going to have to turn around and go back for Theo a couple of hours later?  The thing is though, that I have horrible guilt about sending them to the babysitter on Thursdays.  I always feel like I need to explain what I am doing every Thursday so it’s justified that I am not going to be spending every waking second with my kids. 

Hey, I have to go to the grocery and the bank today.

Hey, I have company coming this weekend so I need to clean the whole house.

Hey, it’s our anniversary so I’m going to get a haircut and try to find a last minute gift.

Hey, we have an appointment with our financial advisor today.

What I really should say is this:

Hey, I’m freaking tired, I haven’t slept in 2 days, there are cat furballs under my coffee table the size of your head and they’re driving me crazy.  I don’t have the energy or the patience to chase Theo around or make cotton ball snowmen with Dexter today.  Additionally, I just wanna lay on the couch and watch DVR for two hours because I never, ever get a chance to do so otherwise. 

I guess I just wonder if the babysitter or the other moms think I’m a crap mom because I choose to send my kids when, yeah, technically…they could be home with me for that half a day.

I realize now that I have virtually no me-time.  Aside from Thursdays, I have no me-time.  I’m busy with the kids from the time I wake up in the afternoon until I leave for work through the week.  On the weekends, by the time they go to bed, I’m exhausted and I fall asleep on the couch before I can make it through one 30 minute sitcom. 

So I’ve been taking advantage of the fact that we pay for Thursdays whether they go or not, and I’ve been sending them to the babysitter while I do something else (or nothing at all).  That right there makes me wonder if I’m the opposite of stay-at-home-mom material.  Even pondering that out loud makes me feel like crap.

I know I need the time to myself, so why do I feel so guilty?  While I was on maternity leave with Dexter, I continued sending Theo to the babysitter 3 days a week because it was just too much trying to take care of my newly toddling toddler and my newborn baby.  There were so many times I thought to myself I was glad to be a working mom who had a babysitter to send my older kid to, because if I was a SAHM, that wouldn’t even be an option.  How do SAHMs ever get time to themselves?  I guess after the babies go to bed….??  Or maybe there actually comes a time when kids play by themselves long enough for a mom to relax for a few?  Nah, that doesn’t seem possible.

feeling guilty,
~C~

when being thrifty, but not thrifty enough, really sucks.

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Can I share something embarrassing with you? 

I haven’t bought new clothes (for fall and winter) since oh, I don’t know…2008?  I hate am growing tired of wearing the same crappy jeans and long sleeved t-shirts every day.  Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I don’t have to dress up for work.  I can wear jeans, tennis shoes, whatever.  So we’re not supposed to wear holey t-shirts or cut offs or anything, but you get what I mean.  (We aren’t really supposed to wear hoodies either, but since it’s usually 25 below in there at night, they let the 3rd-shifters get by with it). 

I just feel frumpy and gross.  Always.  First of all, it’s hard to go shopping when you have 2 babies.  It’s not like you can take a shopping cart in the fitting room.  Or a double stroller.  So the weekend is the only time I could really go, and guess what?  I don’t really want to, because I like spending time with my husband.  Imagine that.

Additionally, I don’t enjoy spending money.  We don’t have tons of it to spend, but I could afford to buy myself an outfit or two each month.  I’m always choosing to buy things for the kids instead or thinking about what that money could better be spent on.  Whether I’m at the mall or Target, I go straight to the sale racks when I do need to pick up a cute shirt for a weekend get-together (because I know the friends/family/etc are so sick of seeing me in the same things for many, many years now).  Nothing wrong with finding a good deal, but here’s the thing.  You get what you pay for 99% of the time.  Even if that $6 shirt is super cute, it will probably fall apart the second time it gets washed.  Or if it’s a sweater, it will be all ball-y after the first wear.  I always forget these things until it’s too late.  Then I curse myself for buying yet another cheap top from Old Navy.

I just can’t pay full price, my brain isn’t trained that way.  If I could get over it, I’d probably look and feel a lot nicer.  Instead, I end up with a bunch of future cleaning rags and end up wearing my same ol, same ol jeans and t-shirts.  And tennis shoes. 

Sigh.

Now, I know there are outrageous deals to be found at Goodwill and consignment stores.  I’m thrify, as in cheap/budget-conscious/straight-to-the-sale-rack thrifty, but I’m not thrifty as in dig-through-a-600-gallon-cardboard-bin-of-moth-ball-smelling-tops-for-3-hours-until-you-find-one-cute tank-top-that-you-still-need-a-cardigan-to-go-over-only-to-discover-the-coffee-stain-between-the-boobs thifty.

Bigger sigh. 

I hate feeling ugly and dumpy and gross like this all the time.  I don’t think about it when I’m at home playing with the kids, but when it’s time to go somewhere…when it’s time to go hang out with one of my cutely clothed mom friends… when I’m wearing the same outfit to work for the 3rd Monday in a row…. it gets me down. 

I just don’t know how other moms do it.  How do I get out of the “I’m poor” mentality? Out of the “never spend more than $10 on a shirt” mentality?  Out of the “I wish I was pretty” mentality?  Out of the “my kids will look cute at all costs but I don’t deserve that for myself” mentality. 

~C~