i need an instruction manual

jekyll and hyde

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I don’t get it!

Monday night we put Theo in his crib and he started moaning and groaning like always.  It turned into him screaming bloody murder within a few short minutes.  Normally, we can go in and talk to him for a bit and then leave.  At that time, the screaming usually gets a little worse before it gets better, meaning that usually after we’ve gone in and soothed him, he goes to sleep fairly quickly on his own.  Well Monday night he was having NONE of that!  He was crying so hard that I was certain something was hurting him and he needed to go to the ER.  I picked him up and hugged him against my chest and he rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.  What?  Yep.  So I kissed him and put him back in the crib.  Bloody murder.  I had to leave for work so the daddy-o picked him up and held him until he was solidly asleep and then he put him back in his crib without further incident.  Slept through the night.

Last night, as I was getting ready to leave for work, we were trying to get him to look at a book and finish a bottle to wind down.  He wasn’t interested in either and really didn’t seem terribly tired.  The daddy-o put him down as I was leaving.  A few minutes later, we had a text conversation that went like this:

Him: He hasn’t made a peep since I laid him down as u were leaving.  I’m afraid to go back there.
Me: Well, don’t!
Him: But he has no covers.  He has to be asleep right?  He surely wouldn’t lay there silent this whole time.  I’m going in.
Pause………………
Him: Wait til you see that picture.  Now I have to move him.  I gotta move him right?

Then he sends me this picture:

Me: Nah.  I wouldn’t
Him: Ok
Me: Just cover him up and vacate

(Notice the big drool patch? LOL)

Anyway, WHAT THE HECK!?  One night he screams like Freddy Krueger is after him when we put him down and the next night he just goes to sleep on his own without saying a word.  I can’t figure this guy out.  All I know is this:  He sure is cute.

~C~

2 become 1 when you get married, then baby makes 3. huh?

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Does that mean you become one when you get married, then you separate back into 2 when you have a baby? 

My good friend had twins 11 days ago and I can’t get over how tiny they are.  They a little less that 4 weeks early but after 10 days in the NICU, they are home and doing great.  I am dying to hold them, but I’m trying to give the new family some time and space to be just that, a family.  It’s definitely different than being a couple.  We are still trying to figure that out. 

It’s hard to balance being a couple with being a family but I know that the former is just as important to maintain as the latter.  There’s so much guilt associated with being a mommy and it’s hard for me to break away from my precious little baby.  Each hour, day, week, and month that has passed since Theo was born has gone by all too quickly.  I still think of him as my newborn baby, but I know that no one else does.  We don’t get the “oh he’s so tiny, how old is he?” questions anymore.  We get the “he’s a little flirt” and “whatta big boy” comments instead.  The point, friends, is that I don’t want to waste time being away from my baby because time with him is the one thing that we’ll never, ever get back.  Time is such a precious thing.  I never realized how much truth there was in that sentiment until I had my baby boy.

But time with my husband is precious too, and I know that we haven’t made enough time for each other recently.  We live in the same house, stay in touch via text and telephone throughout the day, and spend nearly every moment of every weekend together doing something. Whether it’s “quality” time or not, we are together.  We still hold hands and hug and laugh and enjoy spending time together.  We have never been much on fighting (not since we lived in the same state, anyway), so that’s not really an issue, but we really miss each other.  As much love as Theo has added to our lives, it definitely feels like something got taken away at the same time.

The dynamic changes when you add a baby to the relationship/marriage mix.  It’s stressful at times.  It’s a whole new level of love and responsibility.  It’s easy to focus on the baby and the baby alone because, let’s face it, he demands a ton of attention and energy.  At the end of the day, there’s no time or energy left to invest in anything meaningful.  As much as I love my sweet husband, I guess I’ve had the mindset that he will always be there.  He’s constant and predictable and these fine qualities haven’t once changed in the 11+ years we’ve been together.  But that doesn’t mean that our relationship doesn’t need to be nurtured.  I DO realize this.

So, we have agreed to let his parents keep Theo overnight next Saturday.  Bless them for being willing and able.  It’s the first time it’s been feasible really, what with the whole nursing thing (which is steadily decreasing).  I get a little nervous and anxious when I think about it.  Not because I think his grandparents can’t or won’t take good care of him, but because I worry.  It’s that mommy guilt creeping in.  What if he wakes up in the night and doesn’t know where he is?  Or worse, doesn’t know where his mommy and daddy are?  What if he wants me and I’m not there for him?  He won’t understand that.  Realistically, I know he will be fine, but these are the thoughts that go through my head.  I just have to push the worry out of my mind and not dwell on it. 

I remember dropping him off at the babysitter (who was little more than a stranger to us at the time) on the first day and thinking over and over “but she doesn’t love him.”  Now I don’t give it a second thought, because I know he loves it there and he is in good hands.  I’m sure it will be the same way once Theo has spent the night away from mom and dad a time or two, but these kinds of baby firsts are hard. 

I just can’t figure out if I want him to miss me or not. 

~C~

p.s. Oh, and I AM very excited about a night out with my hubby…and sleeping in on a Sunday morning!  Woo hoo!

to cry or not to cry? sigh…

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest


By the time Theo was 10 weeks old, we could count on him sleeping through the night.  All we had to do was feed him, rock him for a few minutes, and lay him in his bed.  He was out like a light from 9pm-7am.  We were feeling pretty confident about our awesome routine and how well he was adhering to it.  


Around the time Theo hit 4 months, a couple of things happened.  First, I learned through work about a baby who was born 5 days before Theo who was a rule-following back sleeper.  He was placed on his belly at the babysitter and ended up becoming hypoxic and nearly died.  He had seizures and suffered irreversible brain damage and will forever be a different baby, child, and adult.  And that was the end of Theo sleeping on his belly.  

His adjustment to back sleeping was fair to good.  Better than expected, I guess.  There were a few rough nights but it was less than a week and he was sleeping through the night again.  Just when we thought things were back on track, he started teething.  Life has never been the same.  

He started waking up repeatedly throughout the night whimpering and whining.  We would put his pacifier back in his mouth and he would easily fall back asleep.  And the hubby would go back to sleep.  But me?  When I wake up in the night, I am on high alert.  Since I had Theo, I can’t easily go back to sleep after he’s been awake.  I think it’s anxiety that as soon as I go to sleep I will have to get up again, which is even more exhausting than just staying awake.  

But for the last two months, Theo is needing more and more attention to get back to sleep.  Rocking.  Singing.  Bouncing.  Pacifier replacements.  All of this is fine at 8:30pm but not at 3am.  But we do it instead of letting him cry because it’s faster.  Lately, it hasn’t been working.  This is where we are now…

Last week I decided to try a modified version of “crying it out,” also known as Ferberizing, which involves going into his room at set intervals and saying the same thing to him so he is reassured, but never picking him up.  The first night, it went so much smoother than I expected.  He cried, which didn’t amount to much more than moaning and groaning, for about 25 minutes and then he went to sleep.  The next night, it was bloody murder and I picked him up.  The next night it was bloody murder and I picked him up and ended up nursing him.  So much for Ferber. Then he started throwing the bloody murder screaming fits during the day.  We have been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night with Theo’s ups and downs.  Tonight, I stuck to my guns and let him cry again.  I checked on him every 5-6 minutes for an HOUR.  It was torture for both of us.  His entire face was soaked with tears and every time I went in his room, the crying got more intense.  I knew he wasn’t hungry and he had been in a good mood all day so I was pretty certain he wasn’t in pain.

But the thing is, you can’t know that for sure.  He looks so desperate.  I want to help him be able to self-soothe.  I need to get more sleep.  But how do I know if he is in pain or if he is just so tired and he’s not getting the cuddling that he’s used to, so that makes him hysterical?  It is impossible to know and I keep going back and forth about this.  

Is it a growth spurt? Is it a behavior?  Is he in pain?  Should I pick him up?  If I do, am I reinforcing the behavior, in turn making both of our lives more difficult, or am I giving my infant the attention he needs?

No one said it would be easy.  Now I understand why.




~C~