twenty.thirteen

Posted on January 2, 2013 by mommyinthemidwest

I haven’t blogged since the day before Thanksgiving and I’ll tell you why. It’s dumb. It’s not that I haven’t had time. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. It’s not that I haven’t had things to say. The last time I blogged, I tried to upload several photos and I got a big, fat, ugly error message from Blogger saying I had met my capacity for photos on this website. Whuuuut. I didn’t even know that was a thing. So yeah, I know I can blog without photos, but I don’t want to. This is the place where I have been sharing and storing the scrapbook of my kids’ lives. i didn’t know that was going to happen and I’m so blog-dumb that I don’t even know what to do. Just not sure I want to pay Google to let me continue posting pictures on here. I don’t even know what my options are. So. I’ve just been turned off about blogging. There are loads of pictures from Thanksgiving, my nephew’s 8th birthday, my sister’s baby shower, and Christmas on my camera, just waiting for their home on this blog. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do, once I figure out how/what to do. I guess this should be one of my resolutions, right?

But this is January 1, 2013, so it’s time to move on and get back in the swing of things. Last year I attempted a Project 365…taking/editing/posting a photo each day. Failed after about 100+ days. It was fun and I really loved it because it forced me to pull the camera out EVERY DAY. Now, weeks go by without me using my fancy camera to take a picture of the boys. I try to catch a cute pic here and there on my phone and post them to Instagram but we all know that’s not the same.

There are so many things I want/need to improve in 2013. It’s a long, long list and I know it’s unrealistic to believe I can make a dent in so many areas of my life. Instead of calling them resolutions, let’s call them areas for improvement.

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~My Health~

My body…Top priority. Simply put: I’ve let myself go. I’ve never been super pre-occupied with my appearance (and it shows). My current concern is about more than how I look. I weigh about three pounds less than I weighed the day I gave birth to Dexter. YUCK. I feel disgusting. 2012 was stressful; it was all about selling our old house and buying a new one. We spent a lot of time working on the house and eating fast food. I also quit nursing in March. There are lots of excuses, but the bottom line is that I’ve gained twenty pounds this year. Twenty miserable pounds. I don’t like myself when I look in the mirror. Partly because my clothes don’t fit. Partly because I don’t look or feel healthy. But mainly because I’m ashamed of myself. I feel like a failure. Total loss of self-control. If I can’t/won’t/don’t take care of myself, how can I ever be an example for my kids of a healthy lifestyle? I have become completely sedentary. I’m exhausted all.the.time whether I sleep enough or not. I’m powering my body with complete crap and I wonder why I feel like complete crap. Why I look like complete crap. Also, I have a predisposition for Type II Diabetes. I had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies. I don’t want to drive down Diabetes Lane so the time is now to start moving towards healthier choices every day. I have to make this a priority.

Taking care of myself…I would add that I desperately need to take better care of my hygiene. Okay, that makes it sound like I’m gross and dirty. What I need to do is floss daily….okay weekly would be an improvement. I need to take my contacts out (because I rarely do). I need to wash my face every night before I go to bed (because I’m tired of having teenager skin).

~Personal/Recreational~

Blogging… I love doing it but I don’t make time for it. This relates to the one above, but after the kids go to bed at night, I’m so tired, fat, and lazy, that I end up laying on the couch with some dumb t.v. show on in the background while I play on my phone. Facebook. Games. Whatever. Time wasters. Sure, it’s fun and I do enjoy those things to unwind but for hours? That’s pathetic and I know it. I enjoy blogging and editing photos. So why am I not doing that? Laziness.

Photography…I love pictures. My fear is that my children will grow up and I won’t remember their sweet faces, that mature so much from week to week and month to month. I got a DSLR camera two years ago and have vowed ever since to learn how to use it in Manual. But I haven’t and I don’t. I really want to do this for myself and for my kids. I want to take pictures of my kids at least once a week and I want to start printing and framing up current photos of the boys more regularly.

Me time…I am terrible about budgeting time and money for myself. I will spend on the boys and groceries and things for the house, but I rarely buy anything for myself. New bras. Make up. Haircuts. Clothes. Massages. The list goes on. I do not take care of myself. Period. I would hate my fashion sense if I had one. The clothes hanging in my closet are a sad excuse for the wardrobe of a 32 year old professional woman. I need to branch out, accessorize, and try some new styles every once in a while.

~Relationships~

Friends… I put so much energy into my family life that I have severely neglected other relationships. This dumb texting generation has all but ended voice to voice conversations with my friends. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m the world’s worst about picking up the phone and calling someone just to say hi or see how his or her day was. It’s come to the point that I’d just rather send a quick text so I can sit my phone down and go play with my kids or load the dishwasher or play Words With Friends and check to see if said friend has responded when it is convenient for me. Even sending an email seems like too much to ask anymore. Takes too much time. This is so sad to me and I’m so guilty of it. I’d like to make a goal to call at least one person per week just to say hi…this does not include my hubby or mother, the two people that I do talk to on a regular basis. In addition to calling them on the phone, I would like to make some time to spend time with friends WITHOUT kids. I love playdates as much as the next crazy toddler mom, but there’s something to be said for spending time with just grownups from time to time.

Love… I do love my husband. Wow, just re-reading what I’ve already written here, it’s safe to say that I don’t put much effort into impressing him. I think it’s important to continue dating and flirting and trying to impress your spouse. We’re going on 10(!!!) years of marriage in 2013 and still going strong. I love our life together with the kids. But our life as a couple leaves a lot to be desired. Our lives revolve around our kids. I know they will not be little for long but maintaining the spark we had before they came along has to take priority at some point. Because … they won’t be little for long. We won’t live with them forever. We will live with each other forever so we need to like, not just love, each other forever. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is not troubled. We are fine. But we can’t let life get in the way so much that we don’t ever feel the way we did 10 years ago. We need to go on a date at least 1 time each month. Even if it’s just a couple of hours. We need to be able to stare at each other, hold hands while we walk through the mall, and hug in the middle of the store for no reason. Instead of always catching that sippy cup Dexter just launched before it hits the waitress. Instead of pushing the stroller or chasing Theo through the furniture store. So I need some help on this one. I need some babysitters to watch these kids every once in a while so we can just have an evening to just. BE. without being stressed. I am totally up for a kid swap with friends…take turns watching the others’ kids to get a date night in? Any takers?

~Household~

Organization… I want to organize and de-clutter this house. Get rid of junk that has no purpose. I read a good tip on facebook….turn all of your hangers around the wrong way but hang them up correctly after laundering and in a year (I think it said six months but I’d give it a year), any clothes that are still backwards get donated. I’m good about going through the boys clothes and cleaning out their dressers, but that’s because they are perpetually outgrowing. I’m terrible about doing this with my clothes. I want to throw away trash (mail) daily and keep our bill-paying area clean. I don’t want to waste another second in search of stamps, checks, or envelopes. Yes, we still pay a lot of our bills by mail. Nutty, right!?

Groceries & Cooking… I really, really, really, really (is four reallys enough to get the point across?) want to start menu planning and grocery shopping accordingly. I recently started doing some grocery shopping online and I LOVE this. You can review what’s in your cart and how much you are spending before you check out — something I am TERRIBLE about at the store. You can print off coupons and use them before your delivery — I always forget coupons when I go to the store. Also, they deliver the groceries right to your countertops… priceless in the blizzard we had last week! Anyway, I want to use a lot less boxed/frozen/processed stuff and a whole lot more ingredients in what my kids (and us grown ups too) eat.

Style…. this kind of goes along with the fashion thing I mentioned before. I don’t know what my decorating style/taste is. I see a million things on Pinterest or displays in stores that I love but I have no idea how to create a comprehensive design for my home. I have a huge canvas but no clue what to do with it. I want my house to have a wow factor when people see it for the first time. Not just a oh, this is a big room, but a WOW, how cool and unique and colorful and fabulous. We are not anywhere close to that. Just something I want to work on a little bit at a time this year.

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And with all of that being said, and if you are still reading, thank you. And I’m sorry for being absent for the last six weeks. I’m going to try to do better. I don’t even know where to start with all of this, but I’m thinking about joining the gym again. Gotta start somewhere. Any help, support, fingers crossed, well wishes, etc. would be appreciated.

happiest new year to you,

~C~

our house: there’s more to the story

Posted on October 4, 2012 by mommyinthemidwest

I was waiting to see what happened before I talked about this, but I guess it’s okay now. I hope it’s okay now.

So…flashback to July 27, 2012. The day we closed on our house. We had mixed feelings about the house. We went to closing. As we were walking up to the building, we (sorta) jokingly said, “let’s run. What if we don’t go in?” We knew that the house needed SO much work. A complete remodel. We signed our names a billion times and the house was ours. Then, the seller sat back in his chair and told us, long story short, that the basement leaked. The finished basement leaked. The same basement they referred to on the sales disclosure that said there was no history of moisture in the basement. We asked a couple of questions…no one seemed to think anything was out of the ordinary. We were shocked and to be honest, the gravity of what that man said didn’t really sink in at the time. It would take a couple of hours.

We left closing and went to the house. It felt good walking up to the door and turning the lock with my key. Our key. It felt good walking in. It had potential. Lots.

We went to a Japanese steakhouse for lunch to celebrate and then to a home improvement store to buy some new locks. Always the first thing you do when you buy a new house, right? It started raining while we were in the store – we left there and went straight to the house. We went down to the basement and there it was. A puddle of water in the corner beneath the window. UN. BE. LIEVABLE. Our hearts and stomachs sank.

We talked to realtors. Attorneys. Friends. Family. We were devastated. We found out that the basement was going to cost thousands and thousands of dollars to repair. We sent a letter to the seller and they responded. 2+ months later…. I’m happy to say that we have cashed a check from them for the repairs and we didn’t have to sue them. I don’t know if it was out of kindness or fear that they settled outside of court. Maybe both. Doesn’t matter. All that matters now is that the basement repair people know what the heck they’re doing and our basement doesn’t leak anymore. We had to remove carpet and drywall and decided to just let it sit unfinished throughout the winter to see if there is any more leaking. Fingers crossed that we can actually use that additional 1,000+ square feet. If we can’t, then this house was a total waste of money and we should have followed our guts when we were walking through the door at closing. Turn around. Run the other direction.

I guess we got lucky. I am pleased that they agreed to pay. There will always be the fear that the basement will leak again every time there is a big rain.

We still haven’t moved in. We are having carpet installed in the bedrooms this weekend and plan to move in sometime soon after that. As soon as we can get things put away and furniture re-assembled. I think Theo is starting to understand. He knows that’s our house, and that we’re working on it to make it nice so we can live there. I don’t know what Dexter thinks about it…he just sees it as a big open space to run and play in. That’s really all we wanted for them anyway.

Wish us well…we need to be together as a family. Working on the house and not spending a lot of time with the boys has been hard on all four of us.

The day we closed.

After a storm on September 7th.

How our basement looks now. Not exactly the vision we had for it.

I look forward to the day I can post pictures of our finished basement…many months from now.

~C~

progress / no progress

Posted on September 2, 2012 by mommyinthemidwest

Progress: A little over three months ago, we moved in with Ryan’s parents. Dexter was 12 (ish) months old so I figured it was time to wean him off of his bottle. Oh, how he loved his bottle. During the transition of moving, I decided it was too much change and I didn’t want to push it. I kept putting it off and putting it off until about three weeks ago. We had a couple of rough and inconsistent days, then he got sick, really sick, and I just wanted him to drink to stay hydrated. I didn’t care what he was drinking out of. As soon as he was better, it was full steam ahead. A rough few nights later, he totally adapted to the soft spout sippy cups and has not had a bottle for over two weeks now. Success!

Nuk 10 oz learning cup

No progress: Theo peed in the potty 3-4 months ago, too. He has days and weeks of doing well, and then nothing. Just a couple of weeks ago he declared that he wanted to wear underwears in the car. I let him. He did awesome. He did this a few days in a row and had no accidents. Then he flipped the switch and turned it off. That’s what he does. Days of underwears then weeks of refusal to wear them. I don’t know about this kid. Obviously he has the control to hold it and the ability to tell me when he has to go. I think he’s just lazy.

Progress / No Progress: Theo has been throwing the world’s worst tantrums all day every day (only a slight exaggeration) for the last couple of weeks, and they have been especially horrific the past 3 days. So bad that I have cried the last two days. I could go on for hours but let’s just say I feel pretty worthless and ineffective as a mother. I have felt like his behavior is somehow a reflection of my parenting. Without making myself cry again, let me just say that the point of this paragraph is the “progress” part, which happened tonight, sometime between tantrums. He let me look inside his mouth (I’ve been trying for a month but he wouldn’t let me) and I found what I was looking for. A two year molar that is all the way through, 2 that are about 3/4 of the way through, and 1 that is about 1/4 of the way through. That makes me feel like maybe the teeth have SOMETHING to do with his terrible-ness, and it’s not just his age that is making him so terrible. I feel terrible saying that he has been terrible. But he has been… terrible.

post S’mores bath – he’s cute when you give him chocolate

Progress: Dexter is talking more and more. He says short sentences. They are very simple, usually beginning with “I want” and ending with “bottle,” “food,” “that,” “ball,” or whatever other object he sees. But it’s a start! He even knows some of his colors. He’s fairly consistent pointing out blue, pink, and green already! Theo picked up on colors really early too, so this must be something that we/our babysitter incorporate into casual conversation without even realizing it. Exciting! I love it when they surprise me with their learning.

Friday night, we visited the park near our new house!

Saturday night, post S’mores bath

Progress / No Progress: I’m two weeks into my new job and I still love the company and the people but I’m in a weird spot with my actual position/work. I’m still training. But I’ve watched people do the same things over and over and over. I’m kind of to the point where I cannot watch another person do the same thing again. I’m not going to learn anything else that way. I have to do it on my own. I talked to my supervisor about it. She agreed that I should try some things on my own; I did. I couldn’t remember how to do stuff, so I had to ask for help fifty times. I felt dumb. It’s hard, going from being one of the smartest people at work to being, indisputably, the absolute dumbest.

Progress, sorta: Last weekend we emptied one of our storage units. The smaller of the two. We had hoped to be in our house by the end of August but that didn’t happen. We still have to finalize our flooring plans and get it done before we move in. The new goal is by the end of September. I do think it is realistic. I hope I’m not wrong. The boys’ bathroom is coming along really nicely. I can’t wait to post some pictures. The bathroom is going to be black, white, and gray. I am torn between choosing a really colorful shower curtain to pull color from, like this: