love

2 become 1 when you get married, then baby makes 3. huh?

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Does that mean you become one when you get married, then you separate back into 2 when you have a baby? 

My good friend had twins 11 days ago and I can’t get over how tiny they are.  They a little less that 4 weeks early but after 10 days in the NICU, they are home and doing great.  I am dying to hold them, but I’m trying to give the new family some time and space to be just that, a family.  It’s definitely different than being a couple.  We are still trying to figure that out. 

It’s hard to balance being a couple with being a family but I know that the former is just as important to maintain as the latter.  There’s so much guilt associated with being a mommy and it’s hard for me to break away from my precious little baby.  Each hour, day, week, and month that has passed since Theo was born has gone by all too quickly.  I still think of him as my newborn baby, but I know that no one else does.  We don’t get the “oh he’s so tiny, how old is he?” questions anymore.  We get the “he’s a little flirt” and “whatta big boy” comments instead.  The point, friends, is that I don’t want to waste time being away from my baby because time with him is the one thing that we’ll never, ever get back.  Time is such a precious thing.  I never realized how much truth there was in that sentiment until I had my baby boy.

But time with my husband is precious too, and I know that we haven’t made enough time for each other recently.  We live in the same house, stay in touch via text and telephone throughout the day, and spend nearly every moment of every weekend together doing something. Whether it’s “quality” time or not, we are together.  We still hold hands and hug and laugh and enjoy spending time together.  We have never been much on fighting (not since we lived in the same state, anyway), so that’s not really an issue, but we really miss each other.  As much love as Theo has added to our lives, it definitely feels like something got taken away at the same time.

The dynamic changes when you add a baby to the relationship/marriage mix.  It’s stressful at times.  It’s a whole new level of love and responsibility.  It’s easy to focus on the baby and the baby alone because, let’s face it, he demands a ton of attention and energy.  At the end of the day, there’s no time or energy left to invest in anything meaningful.  As much as I love my sweet husband, I guess I’ve had the mindset that he will always be there.  He’s constant and predictable and these fine qualities haven’t once changed in the 11+ years we’ve been together.  But that doesn’t mean that our relationship doesn’t need to be nurtured.  I DO realize this.

So, we have agreed to let his parents keep Theo overnight next Saturday.  Bless them for being willing and able.  It’s the first time it’s been feasible really, what with the whole nursing thing (which is steadily decreasing).  I get a little nervous and anxious when I think about it.  Not because I think his grandparents can’t or won’t take good care of him, but because I worry.  It’s that mommy guilt creeping in.  What if he wakes up in the night and doesn’t know where he is?  Or worse, doesn’t know where his mommy and daddy are?  What if he wants me and I’m not there for him?  He won’t understand that.  Realistically, I know he will be fine, but these are the thoughts that go through my head.  I just have to push the worry out of my mind and not dwell on it. 

I remember dropping him off at the babysitter (who was little more than a stranger to us at the time) on the first day and thinking over and over “but she doesn’t love him.”  Now I don’t give it a second thought, because I know he loves it there and he is in good hands.  I’m sure it will be the same way once Theo has spent the night away from mom and dad a time or two, but these kinds of baby firsts are hard. 

I just can’t figure out if I want him to miss me or not. 

~C~

p.s. Oh, and I AM very excited about a night out with my hubby…and sleeping in on a Sunday morning!  Woo hoo!

does BD mean Baby Dance or Bed Down?

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Just wondering, because there are so many acronyms that you learn when you obsess over having a baby… anyway…

Before we were even married in 2003, DH (dear husband) and I had a ten year plan.  I don’t think we ever called it that, but we had talked about how we hoped things would play out.  I would graduate from college in 2 years.  We would start trying for a baby in 4 years, and deliver that bouncing bundle of joy in no more than 5 years, and so on and so forth…

Well, it took 4 years to graduate from college.  When we had been married four years, I had been at my job for 2 months and wouldn’t qualify for FMLA unless I worked there for 1 year at the time the baby was born.  Even then, I didn’t feel right getting pregnant at the same time I was just getting my feet wet with my new social work-y, super stressful job.  Not to mention the fact that we. just. weren’t. ready.

After 5 years, we started talking about it and decided that we would start TTC (trying to conceive) in the Fall of ’08, because, well, wouldn’t it be lovely to give birth in the Summer of ’09?  We could put little sunbonnets on our newborn baby and life would be all daisies and butterflies.

The Fall of ’08 rolled around and I heard about an Aflac disability policy that would mean I could get paid a nice little chunk of change for my maternity leave, so I signed up.  Problem:  You could give birth no less than 10 months after the policy activated.  Of course, to be safe, it seemed like the responsible (and non-money-wasting) thing to do to wait 2 months instead of 1, just in case said baby was born 4 weeks early.  Because naturally, I was going to conceive the very first try.

With the way things worked out, we ended up not being able or ready to start ttc until late November 2008.  Not too shabby…just in time for that Summer ’09 babe.  I had thought of all kinds of cute ways to announce at Christmas to the in-laws and my family that we were expecting and knock their baby booties off with the surprise.  Two days before Christmas… AF (aunt Flo).  And of course she was 4 days late, just to be a wench.

No big deal, must have just been a fluke.  Our timing was off or something.  You know, because, you’ve spent your ENTIRE adult life trying NOT to get pregnant so it seems like the first time you have totally unprotected sex, BOOM!  Knocked up.  Uh uh.

January:  BFN (big fat negative), AF showed up
February:  lots of BFNs because AF didn’t show up at all
March: BFN, AF.
April: BFN, AF.
May: BFN, AF.
June: BFN, AF.  And lots of crying because it had been 7 months since we started TTC and nothing.  This was supposed to be easy.  It’s what a woman’s body is biologically created to do, right?  Six unsuccessful cycles and trust me, we weren’t just “winging it,” we were taking advantage of just about every product on the market that is intended to increase fertility and chances of getting that ever-evasive BFP (getting the hang of this?). 

I researched fertility on the internet.  I talked to my doctor.  I read forums and Yahoo! Answers.  I bought books about fertility.  And then a friend bought me the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which is all about charting your ass off and taking your temperature every day, etc.  I won’t go into the ooey gooey (heh heh) details of it all, but I started charting.  Coincidence or not, I don’t know, but …

July ’09: BFP!!!!

The day we found out was the day after our 6th wedding anniversary and I kicked myself for not obsessively taking the test the day before I was technically supposed to, like I had every month before.  I was in shock and disbelief.

It was 8 months from the time we started trying until we got that BFP and it felt like a lifetime.  Every month was full of anticipation and heartbreak, followed by growing feelings of desperation.  And we were still in the “normal” range of how long it takes a couple to conceive.  I cannot imagine struggling with fertility for years on end like some folks we have known.  I was already trying to decide if fertility treatments were in our future and if that was the road we would choose if we were unable to conceive on our own.  I had received some disappointing news from my doctor when I had labs done and had begun to give up.  Already….after 6 unsuccessful cycles!  I feel for those who have to try for a long time to get pregnant, because once you have that desire in your heart, you can’t turn it off.

My pregnancy story to come at a later date…

~C~

and to think it all started with a mouse

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

How many people can say they found true love at the Happiest Place on Earth?

It began 11 years ago…in late August of 1999.  I can’t believe how quickly that much time has passed and how much has changed.  I thought I was grown at 19.  Today, if a 19 year old girl told me she had met the love of her life and knew that this person was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, I would tell her to wait.  I’d say you’re just a baby.  You will change so much in the next five years, so wait ten.  I’m certain my friends and family thought the same when I told them I was madly in love at 19.

Who would have thought that two shy kids would fall in love at Walt Disney World?

One of my best friends convinced me to join her when she went to an information session for the Walt Disney World College Program.  The recruits raved about how much fun it was, how they met lifelong friends, and what a great academic experience it was.  Sign me up.

We both got called and within a few days, we were hobbling up a steep sidewalk in high heels towards the building where the interviews were held.  We each received letters inviting us to become part of the Fall ’99 Walt Disney World College Program.

My friend met me there and we decided to check in at different times so we would not be roommates.  We wanted to meet new people.  I had connected with another college programmer online and we met before check-in in hopes of getting a room together.  It worked.  She and I and 4 other girls became roommates and fast friends.

Our first night there, the guys from across the hall came over and introduced themselves.  I had my eye on the one with dark hair and dark eyes.  The second day, we all went to the Magic Kingdom to have fun and get to know each other.  I remember the dark haired guy sitting next to me at lunch but the ceiling was leaking on him so he got up and moved.  At the time, I didn’t know he was hoping I would follow him.  I was disappointed, but shy, so I stayed where I was.  Later we rode the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party together and our hands touched for the first time as we spun the wheel in the middle of our teacup.  Maybe I just got shocked by the ride, but I remember feeling a spark.  I liked him.

The next day was Thursday and on Thursdays, Disney employees, or “cast members” got into Pleasure Island for free.  Read:  Par-tay.  That first Thursday night we all ended up on the bus to PI and I sat next to that dark-haired boy.  With the help of a little bit of alcohol, those 2 shy kids became a little less shy.

We were instantaneously inseparable.  Looking back, I’m confident that we would have eventually started dating had alcohol and PI not played a role, but that jump start to our relationship allowed us to enjoy that much more time together.  We spent all of our free time together that entire semester.  I still remember the moment I knew I was in love.  Another one of my best friends had come to visit and we were at MGM (now Disney’s Hollywood Studios).  He had been with us that morning but decided to leave to run some errands.  I was disappointed but having fun with my friend so I tried not to sulk.  We rode the Tower of Terror and when we came out of the gift shop, I saw him jogging towards us.  He gave me a big hug and kiss and said he was glad he found us because he had changed his mind and whatever he needed to do could wait.  Sold.  I think I told him I loved him that same day.

After the college program, we had to return to reality.  He finished college in the midwest and I went back to the southeast.  We were more than 400 miles apart.  We took turns visiting one another and saw each other almost every other weekend during those three and a half years we were apart.  We put thousands of miles on our vehicles to make our long distance relationship work.  It wasn’t always easy but it was worth it.  He proposed to me Thanksgiving 2002 and we were married July of 2003.

I was just a 19 year old kid, but I was a damn lucky kid.  I knew I loved that boy, without knowing that he would turn into such a good man.  We have grown up together and have gotten closer over the years.  We enjoyed several married years together before we had a baby.  That was important to us since we had spent the early part of our relationship so far apart.  I hope Theodore knows one day that he is a product of SO much love.

We can’t wait to take him to Disney World.  Not only to re-visit our own experiences and incorporate him into new memories, but to see Disney World through his eyes.  For this family, Disney World really is magical.

~C~