that’s what she said

we’re rear-facing until 24 months (at least)

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest
Theo (at 18 months) in his Graco My Ride 65
I hate how skittish I am when it comes to blogging things that readers might find offensive.  I’ve wanted to talk about how my kids will remain rear-facing in their car seats until they are at least 2 for quite awhile.  Especially since I read this post by Mommyboots on the same subject.  But the thing is, I don’t want to come off like I think I’m a better mom or that I think I care more about my kids than anyone whose toddler is forward facing.  My assumption is that lots of parents are misinformed – by their pediatricians even – or have never had the inclination to read the research for themselves about why rear-facing is so important.  I would never want other moms to think I’m telling them how to raise their kid.  I certainly don’t want anyone telling me how to raise mine, so this post is just about sharing information.  Is that cool, guys?  If not, you better scoot along right now.   
I’ve gotten strange looks and even a handful of (almost condescending “oh isn’t that cute?”) comments about how safety-oriented I am (as if that’s a bad thing?) because Theo is now 19 months and is still rear facing in his car seat.  That shocks me, considering that American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that ALL children remain rear facing until at least age 2 for their safety.  At Theo’s 9 and 12 month appointments, our pediatrician reminded us of the risks involved in turning a child age 12-23 months forward facing.  I don’t consider myself the nutty, hovering-helicopter type by any means.  The simple truth is that this is an easy way to make my child FIVE times safer in his car seat and 75 percent less likely to die in an automobile accident.  Let’s face it – people are crazy and you never know who you are on the road with.  Plus, these convertible seats are a pain in the butt to install.  So it’s actually LESS work leaving him rear facing longer.  Lazy person’s bonus right there.
I guess some people say their kid doesn’t like to be rear-facing because they can’t see out as well.  If that was the only experience they’d had, they wouldn’t know any better.  Some people say their kid cries when they are rear-facing.  Isn’t that better than taking the chance of them sustaining fatal or permanent injuries?  Some parents say that their kid’s legs are too long.  Kids sit with their legs crossed all the time.  So do I.  It’s not uncomfortable at all.  Other parents might think that kids suffer broken legs more often in a crash when they are rear-facing.  Not true.  More children suffer broken legs when they are forward facing. 
The research shows that a rear-facing car seat deflects the impact of a collision throughout the back of the car seat, the child’s back, head, and neck.  In a forward facing carseat, the neck takes the brunt of the impact.  I can’t cite all of this information because it has come from multiple sites and articles that I have read, but if you take 10 minutes to google how long should by baby stay rear-facing and thumb through the results, you’ll read all the same things. 
The law is currently that a child cannot be turned forward facing until they meet minimum requirements of 20 pounds and 12 months.  The law is not that they must be turned forward facing at that time.  I look for the laws about this to change soon – the research strongly supports favorable outcomes for children who rear-face well beyond 12 months. 
Courtesy of University of Michigan Child Passenger Protection
Just look at the image above from a 2007 crash test comparison.  It’s pretty convincing when you see the difference in how the baby’s body is affected by the impact.  According to this article, “the mass of the head of a small child is about 25% of the body mass whereas the mass of the adult head is only 6%! A small child’s neck sustains massive amounts of force in a crash. The body is held back by the straps while the head is thrown forward – stressing, stretching or even breaking the spinal cord.”
I’m like the next mom – I have a love/hate relationship with milestones (and turning your toddler forward-facing is certainly a big one).  I love moving to the next exciting developmental stage, but I hate how that always means that we’re leaving the newborn days further and further behind.  Even though I know it will be easier to interact with them when they are forward-facing….even though I suspect they will enjoy road trips much more when they are forward facing….I’m not rushing this milestone. 
If you don’t believe me, because I’m certainly not an expert, please check out some of the resources below. 
If your 12-23 month old child is currently forward-facing, I hope you’ll consider repositioning his or her car seat.  And I hope I haven’t made you mad – it’s just because this is really important to me and because I sincerely care. 
Comments, questions, ridicule, and suggestions are very welcomed. 

~C~

rape: how far is too far?

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Disclaimer: this is a mommy blog, usually.  This has nothing to do with mommy-ness or my children.  Just something I can’t get off my mind.  So here goes.

I mentioned in a previous post that we had the opportunity to go to the movies this weekend.  We saw Straw Dogs.  Synopsis: “David and Amy Sumner, a Hollywood screenwriter and his actress wife, return to her small hometown in the deep South to prepare the family home for sale after her father’s death. Once there, tensions build in their marriage and old conflicts re-emerge with the locals, including Amy’s ex-boyfriend Charlie, leading to a violent confrontation” (Yahoo).

The movie is Rated R and details about the reasoning for the rating includes “strong brutal violence including a sexual attack.”  I was not familiar with the 1971 original, therefore I did not know that the 2011 remake also had a graphic rape scene.  The original film was apparently banned in various venues following its release due to the violent, disturbing content. 

2011

I wish I could remember the name of a movie I saw within the past 2 or 3 years that also had a graphic rape scene.  I recall telling my husband that I, a woman who has never been raped or physically attacked, was extremely uncomfortable watching the scene.  I felt the exact same way watching the scene in Straw Dogs this past weekend.  I had to look away several times and wondered why the director felt it necessary to show so much when a whole lot less would have gotten the point across.  I can’t imagine what anyone who has been raped would feel while watching the movie. 

Since that experience I had a couple of years ago, I’ve thought that movies with this type of scene should warn viewers.  “Warning: This film contains a graphic, violent rape scene that may be disturbing to some viewers.” Is that enough?  Or too much? Sure, the rating details explain that the movie contains a “sexual attack.”  But who looks up the reason behind a movie rating before going to the theater? 

If a warning about rape is required, then what else will require a warning?  I know…once you start that kinda ball rolling, it’s hard to stop it. 

Kate Bosworth plays the victim of rape in the 2011 version of Straw Dogs.  Alexander Skarsgard plays one of the rapists. 

“I told Alex not to worry about me, to just go for it. I said, I need you to lose yourself in this moment,” Bosworth told Black Book in a recent interview. “And it was actually violent,” Bosworth continued. “He’s a huge guy. When he was ripping off my clothes in front of a room filled with men, even though I knew it was make-believe, it was still incredibly violating and terrifying. The panic you see flooding me in that rape scene is real.”

I dunno, guys.  I’m not trying to be all Miss Picky-Picky.  Truthfully as a whole, I was entertained by the movie and enjoyed the storyline.  I just wish they would have left that rape scene out.  I suppose I’m looking out for someone who might be re-traumatized by this sort of thing.  It just feels wrong and unnecessary. 

Thoughts?

Has anyone else seen Straw Dogs (either version)?

~C~

 

where were you? (9.11.01)

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest
Knowing that the 10th anniversary of 9/11 was coming up, I’ve done a lot of reflecting.  I have recorded and watched several shows that recapped every detail of that day.  I don’t know why I want to put myself through watching it and feeling that emotion all over again, but it’s something that I’m drawn to do.

I didn’t know anyone who lost a loved one on 9/11.  I didn’t know anyone who was even in New York or DC the day the towers and the Pentagon were struck.  Do all Americans (or humans?) feel this strong connection to what happened, even if they weren’t directly affected? 

****

I was 21, living in Tennesee, and working for a group home for kids with developmental disabilities.  I had driven up north to visit my fabulous boyfriend (who turned in to my fabulous husband) and spend the weekend with his family at their cabin on a small lake.  R had been off work on Monday but had to go back that Tuesday morning.  I had to work Tuesday night so I got in the shower after he left for work.  He lived at home with his mom and dad at that time and worked just 5 minutes down the road. 

After I got out of the shower, I went back into R’s room to finish packing up and getting ready to go.  I walked out to the living room and R’s mom was sitting there watching the news in silence.  It was obvious that something serious was happening and it wasn’t long before I understood that a plane had crashed into the first tower.  It was shocking and sad, knowing that lots of people had lost their lives.  I went back to R’s room to gather my things and turned on the T.V.  As I was sitting there, I watched with the rest of the world as the second plane crashed into the second tower.  I remember a gut-wrenching feeling washing over me as I realized that this was in no way an accident.

Still though, I didn’t realize the gravity of what was happening or how it would affect so many people for so many years to come.  I know I had a conversation with R’s mom about it, but I don’t remember what was said.  I think we were both in awe.  I got on the road to head back home because I had to work that night.  I listened to news radio, as the coverage was the only thing that was on all day as I made the 5+ hour drive back to Tennessee. 

As the events unfolded … the Pentagon was struck…the towers collapsed… I wondered when it would end.  How many lives would be lost? I listened to it all as I drove and drove and drove.  The road felt different that day.  There were no planes flying taking off or landing as I passed airports.  I sobbed in my car as reality set in.  I got home in time to get to work and as I walked in, it was quiet.  Usually a rambunctious group of kids and co-workers, they were all gathered around the television watching the news.  We did our jobs but stayed tuned in to what was going on.  I remember around 8 or 9 that night, we all took turns going to the gas station to fill up because there were reports that gas prices were going to soar.

In the following days, as the death toll climbed, what had happened started sinking in.  I remember seeing signs with messages of love and support and American flags everywhere, uniting us as fellow Americans.  Not just white people or black people.  Not just Democrats or Republicans.  That was before the blame and accusations started.  Before all middle-eastern Americans were regarded as terrorists.  Before I realized how very alive racism is in America.  Before our country was torn apart by this war.  The death toll continues to climb today.

When I watch these shows today, I feel just exactly like I did 10 years ago.  I feel sick with grief for the people that lost their loved ones.  I get overwhelmed with emotion, imagining how scary it must have been to be on one of those planes.  Or to be in one of the buildings, watching as the plane came straight for them.  Or to be a firefighter or policeman climbing up the stairwell when everyone else was climbing down, knowing that I might not come back out.  It pains me to think about the innocent children that died.  The children that were left without one or both parents as a result of what happened.  In an instant, life changed for everyone.  We can’t go back and un-crash the planes.  I can’t un-see it on television and un-hear it on the radio.  I can’t un-feel what I’ve felt for the last 10 years every time I think about it.  I feel so drawn to and connected to this tragedy and I can’t explain why. 

I can’t imagine what it’s like for people who were directly impacted then and those who continue to be affected by it now.  My heart goes out to them today and every day.  I can’t believe it’s been 10 years. 

 
~C~