working mom woes

their first week

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

I’ve been surprised so far at how the boys have done with the transition from our previous sitter to the new one. I thought Theo would be the one throwing fits, resisting, and expressing himself through negative behaviors.  Instead, it’s Dexter who seems to be struggling most with the change.

I thought Dexter would be fine because he’s so easy. He’s so happy, easy to please, and easy-going.  He has a smile plastered on his face 90% of the time and rarely throws fits or tantrums.

Monday.

Dropoff:  We went together to support each other, the kids, and because we both wanted to see their reactions firsthand.  The room we take them to in the morning has a baby gate and Dexter kept trying to escape and run towards us but he wasn’t crying. We hugged and kissed both boys and told them goodbye.  As we left, Dexter was trying to get out of the baby gate and Theo was standing in the middle of the room crying and calling out to us.

So, that felt like crap.

I remembered 10 minutes later that I’d forgotten to leave the diapers and wipes so I texted and asked if I should come back or if that would make it worse. She said within five minutes they were both playing and happy and that it could wait until afternoon.  Ryan wanted to join me again for pick-up so we went together and as we opened the door, I heard Dexter’s cry.  She said that he saw us out the window and burst into tears.  I can only assume that he was feeling stressed and the relief of seeing us out the window triggered that emotional release.  He latched onto Ryan and continued to cry.  She said they had a great day and that they seemed to be transitioning well considering their ages.

That night, the boys played and were active at home.  When bedtime rolled around, their behaviors escalated and they both became very whiny and emotional.  This isn’t totally out of the ordinary for them, especially Theo, when he is very tired.  The odd thing was how Dexter screamed bloody murder like he had a broken leg when he was put in his bed.  Pretty sad situation.  He stopped after a few minutes and there was nothing but dead silence coming from the monitor.

Tuesday.

I dropped them off and Theo ran over to the toy box immediately and started digging for something.  When I said “bye, Theo!” he yelled “bye, Mom!” without ever looking up.  Dexter, on the other hand, hugged me and did not want me to put him down. The sitter was able to engage and distract him and he went right to her to go look for cars to play with.  Better.

At pick-up, she said that Dexter had a few crying spells in the morning and was looking for me.  I picked him up and hugged him and said “were you crying?”  He answered, “yes, I was crying for youuuuuu!”  Oh, no.  Sad, sad, sad.  She said again that she thought they were doing very well adjusting and complimented us on how clearly the boys speak and how smart they are! Nice to hear.

Bedtime was better for Theo but about the same for Dexter. Lots of crying and screaming and begging to be held.  Ugh.

Wednesday.

Ryan volunteered to drop them off.  It was Red, White, and Blue day in celebration of the 4th tomorrow, so we dressed them to the nines!

Getting a decent picture of these two is quite the task these days.  Not that it’s ever been easy…maybe when they’re 8&9??  

We had a little extra time this morning so why not spend it tackling some yardwork?

Ryan called after drop off and said that it did not go so swell.  He said that Dexter cried when they went inside and started calling “Mama! Mama!”  He voluntarily went from Ryan to the new sitter, but then switched to crying for daddy.  Double UGH.  As he left, Dexter was still crying.  Again, Theo was fine.

I know they are safe and I know they will be okay.  I don’t know exactly how Theo is processing this because he seems … FINE.  And maybe he really is fine.  I just did not expect Dexter to be so emotional or have such a hard time.  I hope that it gets a whole lot easier before Theo starts going to school three days a week in August. A month is a long time in the life of a 2 year old so I’m hopeful that by then, Dexter will be well-adjusted and we won’t be having these meltdowns every day.  Poor guy. I wish I could make it easier on him (and us!).  I sure am glad that their first week was only 3 days.

Have you ever dealt with a transition like this?  What helped?

xo,
~C~

their last day

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

Well, this has been kinda tough so far.  By kinda, I mean I’ve cried over this dumb mess more than I ever imagined possible or reasonable.  It’s odd and interesting, the things that become important and stressful once you become a parent that you never DREAMED would be such a big deal. It’s been heart-wrenching at times and I have to admit that I’ve probably shed more tears over this than anything since my dad died.  Well, I’m skipping over the hormonal crying related to newborn baby sleep deprivation and/or pregnancy.  While it doesn’t exactly feel like someone died, the finality has hit me hard that this desirable situation has come to an end and an uncertain future is upon us.

Last Friday was the boys’ last day with their first and beloved lady.  They have always spoken so highly of her and have looked forward to going to her home.  The Saturday before last, I took them to JoAnn Fabrics and told them they could pick out any gift to make for her.  Theo was drawn towards the birdhouses so they both spent some time picking their houses, changing their minds, and changing their minds again until they both picked the perfect gifts.  Picking out their paint colors was much easier.  Green and red.

They really were not interested in putting clothes back on after painting in the (almost) nude.  So they played while their projects dried.  I worked on them a little bit each night leading up to their last day.  Thursday night we put the boys’ handprints on the bottoms of their birdhouses and I sealed them with clearcoat.  

As I was painting them and realizing that this was it, this was really the last night before the last morning that they’d wake up and go to her house, I lost it.  There were lots of tears.  It’s just hard as a mom, going from something that you take comfort in to something that feels so completely uncomfortable.  I’ve grieved for my relationship with this woman, who has become a friend. I’ve grieved for the kids’ relationship with her. For the kids’ relationship with her son. Her husband.  They have been so much a part of our family for the last 3 years.  The boys have spent so many hours in her arms, home, and in her care.  It’s hard to let go. And while I realize that we can and will remain in contact, it will never be the same.

The last pick-up.
There were lots of hugs during that hard good-bye but somehow I kept it together until we closed the door for the last time.  I looked behind me as we crossed the yard to the car and Theo had stopped about 20 feet back.  He was standing still with his bottom lip sticking out.  I said “Theo, come on honey.  Let’s go.”  He remained still and I asked him what was wrong.  He suddenly ran to me and I swooped him up and held him tight.  He said “I’m sad” and started to cry.  That’s when my tears began to flow as well.  We just stood there, hugging and crying in the yard for a couple of minutes.  I was crying because he was crying. Because he was smart enough to know that something had changed but I was also crying because I knew he didn’t fully understand. He sucked his thumb and stared out the window on the way home.
Friday night we distracted ourselves with a fun baseball game.  The boys were tired by the 5th inning and some nasty looking clouds were heading our way so we left. 

Coming up next — the first day(s) at the new sitter.
xo,
~C~

we have a plan

Posted on by mommyinthemidwest

First, I must say WOW to the last 5 days.  Three friends have had babies and I’m over the moon with excitement for them.  Two in-real-life friends and one of my favorite blogger pals, Mindi, gave birth in the past week.  Congrats to these ladies and their already beautiful, perfect families.

So, we have a plan.

We went a total of about 10 places and out of those 10, I have to say there was only 1 that gave us that “there’s-no-way-in-hell” kind of feeling.  Which was good, I guess, but not so good because we had a hard decision to make. While only one of the places was an absolute “no way,” most of the remaining places left us longing for a little more. Until last Tuesday.  We checked out a Montessori school and at that moment, it’s like everything just clicked into place.  Are you familiar with the Montessori method? One of our nephews has been going to a Montessori school for a few years and my sister-in-law loves it.  Initially, we thought we’d send Theo 5 days a week, which made us both a little sad to think about him and Dexter being separated so much.

When we read through all the info from the school, we realized that Theo would have 2 weeks for fall break, 2 weeks for winter break, and 2 weeks for spring break.  Not to mention 10 weeks of summer break, none of which are included in the cost of tuition. Because, you know.  You’re paying for the education piece, not the childcare piece.  There are camps when school’s out but the cost is additional.  Last Tuesday night, we met a friend’s babysitter (actually one of the mamas I mentioned at the beginning of this post) who is licensed and works out of her home.  She’s been in business for 8 yrs, has a full-time employee, and has a beautiful home.  It’s like we met her on the same day we toured the Montessori school for a reason.  All the pieces of the puzzle came together.  That night, we sat at the table for 2 hours figuring out our finances and how we could do this or that, compared various options, and finalized our plan.

I stole all the pictures for this post from our sitter’s fb page!

The home babysitter is affordable enough that we are able to pay for Theo to go there full-time in order to secure his spot, send Dexter there full-time, and then send Theo to Montessori just 3 days a week.  This arrangement relieves a lot of my concerns about them being too young and too close to be separated 5 days a week.  They’ll still be together more often than not, but maybe the bit of separation will help each of them to grow and adapt.  Maybe Theo will thrive at the school but appreciate having a couple of down days to spend playing with his brother and other kids at the sitter’s home. The good thing about paying for Theo to go to this sitter full-time is that we won’t have to make any separate arrangements or pay extra during those 16 weeks per year that school is not in session.

I stole all the pictures for this post from our sitter’s fb page!

The school said we can bump up to full time at the beginning of any month.  The sitter said she is happy to watch Theo intermittently as long as she doesn’t go over her ratio (but if she does, that spells trouble and stress for us).  Ideally, I’d like to see Dexter go to Montessori at least part time when he’s 4 but it would be nice if he could start at 3 as well.  He’s just very different from Theo in a lot of ways that are hard to explain and I think Theo needs this now…would greatly benefit from this now.

A nice thing about our “plan” is that they will both go to the sitter for a little over a month before Theo starts school.  It will be plenty of time (I hope) for Dexter to get comfortable there and then when Theo transitions to school 3 days a week, maybe it will be easier on Dexter than if they just both started going somewhere new, apart, at the same time. It feels good.  It feels right.  I didn’t know if we would get to this point the first full week that we were searching.

I stole all the pictures for this post from our sitter’s fb page!

I’m still super sad about our sitter deciding to close, but we’ve communicated a great deal about it and plan to stay in close contact.  She’s become a part of our family, just as we have become a part of hers.  Theo knows a change is coming. We’ve been trying to talk to him about it without confusing him.  The first few days, he’d say “well, today was my last day.”  Now he isn’t saying that, but he’ll say “she’s not gonna babysit us anymore,” “she’s gonna do a different job,” “in [insert random number] days, it’s gonna be OVER!” (very dramatic, this kid), or he’ll say things about how he’s going to behave poorly at a new place (I guess to threaten us all with the consequences of this unfortunate scenario).  I really hope that’s not the case, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned.  I know Theo is smart, but I think he’s probably a lot smarter than even I realize.

If nothing else, it will be very interesting to see how all of this unfolds.  As of now though, we’ve got a plan…for what that’s worth.

xo,
~C~