Where do I begin?  What do I love most about three-month-old you?  Hard to say but it is somewhere between your smile and your snuggles.  I love the way you calm down when you are placed in my arms.  I love watching you slip into dreams with your head inside the bend of my elbow.  I love kissing the top of your head with my eyes closed and breathing in your scent.  In those moments, nothing else matters.  I love the softness of your skin and the weight of your small body. 

I went back to work full-time this week and it has been so hard on me.  I can’t say for sure, but I think you have been pretty relieved to see me at the end of the day, too.  You aren’t used to being away from me so much and I feel the same way.  It was so nice spending those first 12 weeks together, wasn’t it?  We’ve chosen a wonderful babysitter to look after you while we’re apart and Theo loves her.  You will too. 

You smile all the time and it makes me laugh every time I see your wet pink gums.  A mommy forgets that toothless grin once teeth have filled up her baby’s mouth.  You have just one dimple, just like mommy and Theo.  Right now, your eyes are still blue and I hope they stay that way.  Most people say you look like me and I have blue eyes, so I’m staying optimistic.  Your gramps had blue eyes too, you know.  I took after him, just like you take after me. 

Just an observation – it’s funny that Theo takes after your daddy but he’s named after mine.  You, Dexter Jay, are named after your daddy’s dad and you take after me.  We call you Dexter Jay a lot more than we ever call your brother Theodore Jack.  You go by Dex a lot of the time, especially when I’m writing your name.  We call you Bit Bit sometimes – a variation of Lil’ Bit that came about shortly after we brought you home from the hospital.  Other nicknames that slip out on occasion include Desster, Dexy, Deester, and Deezy.  Your dad called you Pizza Face when you had baby acne and I told him that was mean.  Then he called you Scales when you had cradle cap.  I yelled at him for that, too.  You’re welcome.  I’m here for you. 

I don’t know how long Bit Bit will be appropriate.  You are growing faster than your big brother did at this age.  I remember when we first sent him to the babysitter, he drank 3oz bottles.  You aren’t even satisfied with 4oz bottles anymore.  You are a hungry little man and you love your milk.  Lately I’ve noticed you looking at our plates as you sit with us in the Bumbo at the dinner table.  Thank goodness for the Bumbo, Dexter Jay.  Until about 2 weeks ago, you made us hold you, without fail, every time we sat down to dinner.  Now you’ve realized that you can see everything much better from the Bumbo and you love it!  You’ll sit there for as long as 30 minutes sometimes. 

You are getting strong.  You don’t need any help at all holding your head up and you can do mini-pushups when placed on your belly.  You can stand on my lap and bear your own weight for up to a minute or two sometimes now.  Your grip is like no other baby’s grip I have ever felt!  You must know that you’ll have to be tough to survive Hurricane Theodore.  No worries, I think people will be mistaking you two for twins in 4 or 5 year and you may be bigger than him before you go to middle school.  It’s going to be so interesting and fun, watching you grow up together.

You are still wearing 0-3 month clothes and I’m glad.  We have so many cute things of Theo’s left for you to wear, plus all the new stuff you’ve gotten from your grandmas and friends.  Speaking of clothes, we change yours a lot.  Sometimes you puke for no apparent reason and other times, your diaper just can’t contain all that you have to give.  Then there’s the times when you get so sweaty riding in the carseat that your back is soaked by the time we get where we’re going.  That’s probably the one thing that makes you the angriest that I can’t fix.  You’re hot-natured like your brother and dad.

Riding in the car is hit or miss.  Sometimes you go right to sleep.  Other times you scream (usually because of the sweatiness, I think).  My favorite times are when you are calm and alert, looking around and absorbing the world all around you.  It’s a big world, Dexter Jay.  Bigger than you’ll probably ever know.  But I hope you get a chance to explore every corner of it that interests you because it is simply spectacular.  And the world is more amazing now because you are a part of it.  I haven’t seen as much of the world as I hope to one day, but I know one thing.  My world is perfect now, because you are here. 

Sleep… I was so worried that nighttime would be a nightmare for your dad once I went back to work.  We weren’t as good about getting you into a bedtime routine as we were your brother.  But you have kinda made your own way in that area.  You get sleepy anywhere between 8 and 9:30 so we’ll hold you in the living room (or rock you in your room, now that it’s no longer a guest bedroom as well) and kiss your little cheek before we say good night and lay you in your crib.  In the last week, you’ve only woken up once before it was time to get up and your dad just held and rocked you for a few minutes and you went right back to bed.  Nice of you to start that just as soon as I went back to work.  I think you know I’m gone, so you know there’s nothing to wake up for.  But that’s just between you and me, kid.

And finally, baths.  Bathtime is weird.  Sometimes you scream bloody murder like I just sat you on hot coals (I always check the temperature of the water before I put you in!) and sometimes you are just fine.  I never know what to expect.  I hope you learn to like the water soon, because you’ve got a lot of lake swimmin’ to do next year.

Yesterday, for your 13 week birthday (ok not for but on) we went to the fair.  Hard to believe you are already a quarter of the way to your first birthday.  It’s just flying by too fast.  Can you slow down just a little bit for mom?  Please, Bit Bit?

I’m lucky to be your mama and I hope we’ll always be close. 

I love you,
Mommy